Hi, sweetheart.
Do you talk to angels? I'm just thinking of how one angel told John in Revelation he was John's fellow servant, and they talked to him because God had them delivering a special message; and, of course, Jesus Himself did, too. Same with when they spoke to others.
And, I'm just wondering, do we hang out with and talk to them when we get there?
Yeah, I know, I can so easily imagine you saying, "It's a surprise, Daddy." Just like I'd have to tell you if you'd been born and were bugging me for info about Christmas presents.
It must have been so amazing that first Christmas. Well, actually, it would have been 9 months before when God the Son, eternally God Himself, the 2nd person of the Godhead, stepped down into time and became flesh, when the Spirit overshadowed Mary like when a shadow comes over someone.
Then, of course, the angels became part of a plan to show a joyous celebration that must have been so amazing. Just think - normally it's just one angel appearing, or two, but then an angelic chorus was there in the fields. What an amazing cause to celebrate, the fact God had begun that plan to reconcile us to Himself through the cross.
Of course, you'd have always gone to Heaven because you died before you had a chance to enjoy life, before I could adopt you; just as any child does who dies before the age of accountability. But, because of that wonderful gift, and since I've trusted Jesus Christ to save me from my sins through what He did on the cross, taking the punishment for my sins, I know I'm going to Heaven. And, I'll have the greatest gift I can imagine - you. Even if I couldn't know you here on Earth, you've got the best sitter there is, and I know one day we'll be able to celebrate together.
Adoption really is special - the child comes from the parents' heart then, or is supposed to. And, that's the way God sees us.
When you think about it, God blessed the Jewish people, out of whom Messiah came, because it made sense to have an organized plan to show where Messiah would come from. But, He also adopted all of us - the Jews because he chose them, us Gentiles because we have been grafted in as His people.
We are forever on God's heart. We can celebrate Jesus so much because He not only died for our sins, He rose from the dead and is now in Heaven, forever interceding for us preparing a place for us, and many other things. Like watching over my little darling up there. :-)
I know, you know all this, but I think about how nice it would have been to celebrate and share this stuff with you here, and I thought I'd write a post that shares that now, anyway. Because you are very special to God and to me, more special than you can imagine. Biology doesn't count for everything - what matters is that we are in that person's heart. Just like we are in God's heart, and each of us is only a single, sincere prayer of repentance to Jesus Christ away from everlasting life.
I'm so glad to have that chance. I'm so glad the Lord led me to trust Him to be able to adopt despite my financial struggles and handicaps. And, he rewarded that faith. Maybe we're not together this Christmas. But one day, we will have forever together. And for now, I'll celebrate with family and friends, and enjoy knowing the Lord is watching out for us. Because this isn't just a celebration of family and good times. It's the birthday of the King of Kings, and Lord of Lords. For unto us is born this day, in the City of David, a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
enjoy the fun up there, Sweetheart. Till we meet.
Love,
Daddy
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
At least I'd be old enough to be a grandpa now
Hi, Sweetheart.
The last nice day before a very cold stretch, and I was thinking about the fact i don't have any clients today and can enjoy it outside so much. And, I was thinking about how neat it was when my grandpa retired and how I pondered what it was like to be totally free of school or work. I ws 9 then, or maybe just about to turn 9. And, i always cherished those summers and weekends when I could just play outisde all the time.
Of course, most likely you'd be in school but I was thinking, too - remember when i said earlier in my first post or 2 about pretending in my mind? I would actually pretend at tiems that you were a teenager and then an adult - I cried when I pretended to leave you at college for the first time because as I was acting it out in my mind it was so real. Yeah, that's that Asperger's, or at the least PDD-NOS, I was telling you about - I am an extreme visual thinker. It's probably why quite a few performers may be on the spectrum - I hear Jerry Seinfeld says he is and he does a lot for autism awareness.
Sorry for that ramble, but anyway, i was thinking, too, I could be a grandpa by now. In fact, my mom mentioned that back in '07 since my good friend's sister had a girl who was born in '87 and her mom had her at maybe 18 or so. Indeed, 2 years ago at my reunion there were a couple classmates who were grandparents.
That helped me, too, with thinking about it (and with my pretending :-). I don't really feel the need to pretend anymore because I do imagine my imaginary kid(s) are graduated and out on the mission field now, so it's very easy to tell myself, "It doesn't matter if you don't have a kid because if you'd had one they'd be all grown up by now." And, maybe that's why that pretending didn't fulfill me like it did, why I pleaded so hard with the Lord to give me a child. And, why He connected me with you.
Anyhow, all that is to say this. I do still think about you, and I'm so glad you can enjoy yourself up there free from all the problems of this world. (And with much better weather, too. :-) I'm anxious to see what that's like. But, I know you'll just say "It's a surprise" so I won't ask. :-)
It's so fun to celebrate God's great creation here, too, though. And, though we can't slosh through the leaves and rake them into big piles and jump in them and stuff like that together, and wouldn't anyway since you would likely be in school or off and married by now, I feel great knowing you cn celebrate God's mighty creation from the other side, and I don't feel bad because I know that you are enjoying it so much up there, and so happy, just as I'd hope you would be if you were living here. And, I have so much to be thankful for, especially because I know the Lord Jesus Christ, I've made it personal, I have heart knowledge, not just head knowledge, of my Saviour and one day I will see Him face to face. It will be such a thrill. And, the great thing is, you've had that experience already, being so young when your physical life ended. It will be so wonderful to someday celebrate Christ's love forever together.
Till we meet,
Love,
Daddy
The last nice day before a very cold stretch, and I was thinking about the fact i don't have any clients today and can enjoy it outside so much. And, I was thinking about how neat it was when my grandpa retired and how I pondered what it was like to be totally free of school or work. I ws 9 then, or maybe just about to turn 9. And, i always cherished those summers and weekends when I could just play outisde all the time.
Of course, most likely you'd be in school but I was thinking, too - remember when i said earlier in my first post or 2 about pretending in my mind? I would actually pretend at tiems that you were a teenager and then an adult - I cried when I pretended to leave you at college for the first time because as I was acting it out in my mind it was so real. Yeah, that's that Asperger's, or at the least PDD-NOS, I was telling you about - I am an extreme visual thinker. It's probably why quite a few performers may be on the spectrum - I hear Jerry Seinfeld says he is and he does a lot for autism awareness.
Sorry for that ramble, but anyway, i was thinking, too, I could be a grandpa by now. In fact, my mom mentioned that back in '07 since my good friend's sister had a girl who was born in '87 and her mom had her at maybe 18 or so. Indeed, 2 years ago at my reunion there were a couple classmates who were grandparents.
That helped me, too, with thinking about it (and with my pretending :-). I don't really feel the need to pretend anymore because I do imagine my imaginary kid(s) are graduated and out on the mission field now, so it's very easy to tell myself, "It doesn't matter if you don't have a kid because if you'd had one they'd be all grown up by now." And, maybe that's why that pretending didn't fulfill me like it did, why I pleaded so hard with the Lord to give me a child. And, why He connected me with you.
Anyhow, all that is to say this. I do still think about you, and I'm so glad you can enjoy yourself up there free from all the problems of this world. (And with much better weather, too. :-) I'm anxious to see what that's like. But, I know you'll just say "It's a surprise" so I won't ask. :-)
It's so fun to celebrate God's great creation here, too, though. And, though we can't slosh through the leaves and rake them into big piles and jump in them and stuff like that together, and wouldn't anyway since you would likely be in school or off and married by now, I feel great knowing you cn celebrate God's mighty creation from the other side, and I don't feel bad because I know that you are enjoying it so much up there, and so happy, just as I'd hope you would be if you were living here. And, I have so much to be thankful for, especially because I know the Lord Jesus Christ, I've made it personal, I have heart knowledge, not just head knowledge, of my Saviour and one day I will see Him face to face. It will be such a thrill. And, the great thing is, you've had that experience already, being so young when your physical life ended. It will be so wonderful to someday celebrate Christ's love forever together.
Till we meet,
Love,
Daddy
Monday, September 29, 2014
Forever Friendships
The nice thing about being in Heaven is, I'm sure you've met so many great friends you know will last forever. I remember on church visitation 10-12 years ago there were some young teen girls out riding their bikes and one of them whom we were visiting had just gotten saved, but one of the two friends hadn't. We led her to Christ & my visitation partner said, "Now you'll really be friends forever."
It's harder here on earth. As I've said, I have a bit of Asperger's, or at least PDD-NOS, and I go from not being able to read between lines to getting so worried because some things I read are just like what happens with kids who are adopted out of very rough homes. I'm sorry to say I don't know how much help I could have given as you navigated that friendship stuff.
Okay, I'm being too hard on myself. We'd have talked and I'd have discussed how we're supposed to be nice, loving, caring, etc. all the time. One friend who talked about some mean stuff becuase of what his cousins went through scared me at times, because he didn't talk about gentleness, self-control, etc., and even seemed to mock me for doing so. That kind of stuff, I couldn't have helped you with.
Or, maybe I would have. He's a wonderful, Godly man now and improved so much in his 20s. It's a testimony to how God works. I'm sure he was so traumatized by just seeing what his cousisn went through. But, I didn't know how to read between the lines back then to know that's why he talked like he did, and also didn't know how to ask.
Then there was another one who was really nice, came from a really good family, yet changed when he went to college. And, not right away, either - if he had that might have made sense, though he wasn't the kind to fall for peer pressure. I totally bungled that, I was so clumsy. Now, i think something traumatized him that my mom said not to mention to him so I didn't. But, I would have told you it's soemtimes good to get people to talk about their feelings, but I would hope you could read those nonverbal things better.
BUt, your Daddy isn't that bad. By the time I'd have adopted you, I got to wear I could tell people easily I was having trouble reading nonverbal cues or that I needed to have thigns explained to me a bit more. I would say how I'd say things like, "I'm guessing that this attitude is because of 'x' or maybe 'y?'" Things like that. You'd have possibly heard me saying, "Hearing that is kind of traumatic because of what I'm picturing," since I have a very photographic thought process.
Of course, I imagine you'd have had no handicap like that, but I think you'd easily learn not to take advantage of such things because you'd see it just like my visual and hearing handicaps. I have special needs, and one of those needs is friends who just stay away from a couple things, like really raunchy stuff, lots of really bad cursing, etc. - such stuff scares me and reminds me of some trauma from Junior High that I need to be away from so I don't have flashbacks.
But - and this is something I would have been able to teach you easily - true friends are the ones who love and care for others and accept when something is traumatizing someone and they don't do it. It's just like I tried to do for these 2 friends I mentioned. I did it very clumsily, then went way overboard trying to help, but that's just my somewhat awkward social skills as I try to make up for that handicap.
I heard of a woman in our church - you may have met her by now :-) - who was an alcoholic. She got saved out of that and God wonderfully changed her and she never drank again the last 44 years of her life. However, she struggled, unlike her friends. She never again went into a restaurant with a bar in it, because she knew she could be tempted to start drinking again. Her friends loved her - they never went to one either if they were together, but when by themselves of coruse they could. They just cared for this woman. But, they also obeyed God's command in 1 Corinthians 8 where it says don't tempt a weaker brother or sister in Christ. But, they'd have been kind and considerate like that no matter what.
I have many friends like that when it comes to the little things that can torment me. They stay away from it - but really, they're not vulgar or raunchy ever, not just around me.
That's the kind of loving friend I know you'd have become down here on Earth. I know I'd have been so proud of you. That's one of those little thigns I don't get to enjoy, but my family members and their kids are like that. I can be proud of them. But, ultimately, I praise God for such love. And, I'm glad you experience that love up there in Heaven.
Till we meet.
Love,
Daddy
It's harder here on earth. As I've said, I have a bit of Asperger's, or at least PDD-NOS, and I go from not being able to read between lines to getting so worried because some things I read are just like what happens with kids who are adopted out of very rough homes. I'm sorry to say I don't know how much help I could have given as you navigated that friendship stuff.
Okay, I'm being too hard on myself. We'd have talked and I'd have discussed how we're supposed to be nice, loving, caring, etc. all the time. One friend who talked about some mean stuff becuase of what his cousins went through scared me at times, because he didn't talk about gentleness, self-control, etc., and even seemed to mock me for doing so. That kind of stuff, I couldn't have helped you with.
Or, maybe I would have. He's a wonderful, Godly man now and improved so much in his 20s. It's a testimony to how God works. I'm sure he was so traumatized by just seeing what his cousisn went through. But, I didn't know how to read between the lines back then to know that's why he talked like he did, and also didn't know how to ask.
Then there was another one who was really nice, came from a really good family, yet changed when he went to college. And, not right away, either - if he had that might have made sense, though he wasn't the kind to fall for peer pressure. I totally bungled that, I was so clumsy. Now, i think something traumatized him that my mom said not to mention to him so I didn't. But, I would have told you it's soemtimes good to get people to talk about their feelings, but I would hope you could read those nonverbal things better.
BUt, your Daddy isn't that bad. By the time I'd have adopted you, I got to wear I could tell people easily I was having trouble reading nonverbal cues or that I needed to have thigns explained to me a bit more. I would say how I'd say things like, "I'm guessing that this attitude is because of 'x' or maybe 'y?'" Things like that. You'd have possibly heard me saying, "Hearing that is kind of traumatic because of what I'm picturing," since I have a very photographic thought process.
Of course, I imagine you'd have had no handicap like that, but I think you'd easily learn not to take advantage of such things because you'd see it just like my visual and hearing handicaps. I have special needs, and one of those needs is friends who just stay away from a couple things, like really raunchy stuff, lots of really bad cursing, etc. - such stuff scares me and reminds me of some trauma from Junior High that I need to be away from so I don't have flashbacks.
But - and this is something I would have been able to teach you easily - true friends are the ones who love and care for others and accept when something is traumatizing someone and they don't do it. It's just like I tried to do for these 2 friends I mentioned. I did it very clumsily, then went way overboard trying to help, but that's just my somewhat awkward social skills as I try to make up for that handicap.
I heard of a woman in our church - you may have met her by now :-) - who was an alcoholic. She got saved out of that and God wonderfully changed her and she never drank again the last 44 years of her life. However, she struggled, unlike her friends. She never again went into a restaurant with a bar in it, because she knew she could be tempted to start drinking again. Her friends loved her - they never went to one either if they were together, but when by themselves of coruse they could. They just cared for this woman. But, they also obeyed God's command in 1 Corinthians 8 where it says don't tempt a weaker brother or sister in Christ. But, they'd have been kind and considerate like that no matter what.
I have many friends like that when it comes to the little things that can torment me. They stay away from it - but really, they're not vulgar or raunchy ever, not just around me.
That's the kind of loving friend I know you'd have become down here on Earth. I know I'd have been so proud of you. That's one of those little thigns I don't get to enjoy, but my family members and their kids are like that. I can be proud of them. But, ultimately, I praise God for such love. And, I'm glad you experience that love up there in Heaven.
Till we meet.
Love,
Daddy
Sunday, September 21, 2014
On being Christlike, telling others, problems with this world
Hi, Sweetheart.
Yes, it’s Daddy again. Your silly Daddy has just been thinking about you, I’m so thankful the Lord has given me peace about you, because you’re up there safe from any problems.
You don’t need to hear about the evils that have been in the news lately. There’s so many good people, and one would think in sports one could avoid all the evils that I avoid by not watching the news otherwise and getting my info on some Christian message boards. The images are just so gruesome. If it wasn’t for sports I couldn’t have cable TV, and only get maybe 15 channels as it is.
I hear more and more people talk about possible persecution here, though, and I’ll be honest, I worry about being able to homeschool you if you were around; of coruse, I felt I’d have had to a decade ago when I thought about it a bit before I went and got my Masters in ministry. Adoption was possible then, but I was just so concerned because of all the problems people said might come, and the anti-Christian eveil the devil is spreading.
But, again, there are som many nice people, and I will make myself get off of worries about the eviel ones. I know it’s likely you wouldn’t have been hurt had you been born and I adopted you. But, this just shows how concerned I’d have been over you, how protective.
The fruits of the Spirit as love, joy, peace, longsuffering(patience), gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness(power under control)and temperance(self control), against such there is no law.(Gal.5:22-23) The problem is that the people in the news I’ve seenact like they can do whatever they want against these fruits – but that’s what always bugged me before, I thought the world should act like Christians, and there’s a reason they don’t. They’re not filled with the Spirit. Sometiems Christians aren’t controlled by the Spirit, and we need to be, but the point is, the Lord has established that these are things we should be, and we should let Him make us like that to be more like Him. Sure, we each have our individual interests, but He wants us to learn to be Christ-like. That’s why He says “against such there is no law.”
In other words, there is no exception, we must be gentle, patient, etc.; kindness(Eph4:32) and tenderheartedness(same verse) are also crucial.
I’d have tried so hard to be a Godly example. Not all have that background or upbringing I did, but even those who haven’t that I’ve met have become Godly people because of Jesus’ love.
I’d told others – high school friends – about you in a letter, though only that I have faith you’re waiting for me and not about my blogging to you. I recently verbally told some friends as we watched football a few Thursdays ago during the Packer game.
The response was interesting – saying that God had other plans. I think they didn’t really grasp that I was saying I consider myself a father to you now, but that’s okay. My brain focuses in weird ways sometimes, and I was speaking with a much more eternal, spiritual perspective than they were thinking. It also makes sense that they’d say this because it is a proven way to comfort someone, pointing out that God is still there for me and His ways are perfect, even if we don’t understand them.
I wasn’t grieving that night – partly because I have this and have slowed quite a bit in my posting, as you can tell, so I have gotten to that acceptance stage. However, if I had been, it would have been a totally logical thing to say, one that would be expected when comforting one, although one I emply more is remarking that there’s a big hole in one’s heart that Jesus can fill.
He has filled that hole in my heart. It’s a hole I realize I had for years till I stepped out in faith and begged the Lord to give me a child so I could shower on them the same tgreat love I always felt. And, it’s a hole the Lord has filled by allowing me to “know you” in this small way and to be confident that you are up there waiting for me and that He truly did work it out well because I would have struggled, not only financially but because of the fallen state of this world. Too many people who refuse to see the need to let the Lord guide them and to show Christlike love. Because He is not only the Lord of the universe, He is also the gentle Saviour who is always so kind and gentle toward us. Yes, I’d have enforced limits with you in a loving fashion, but just having a daddy who has handicaps like I do would have taught you that. Just like the boys who did so well at the game our youth group went to showing me where the concessions were and how to get back.
There are such nice people out there. And, they come because someone was Christlike toward them and they chose to follow that modelt hey were shown, out of devotion, not because they had to, but because they wanted to.
So, this world has its problems, but we can be sure that that God’s love is there for us. I know that He’d have protected you, and only let you go through what you could handle – my main worry is that it would be more than I could handle. Seriously, though. You don’t have to be concerned about that now. You are celebrating in God’s perfect heaven, where nobody has seen, heard, or even imagined the wonders that await us.
And, until we meet, I will continue to share with others God’s love, so they, too, can join us.
With much love,
Daddy
Yes, it’s Daddy again. Your silly Daddy has just been thinking about you, I’m so thankful the Lord has given me peace about you, because you’re up there safe from any problems.
You don’t need to hear about the evils that have been in the news lately. There’s so many good people, and one would think in sports one could avoid all the evils that I avoid by not watching the news otherwise and getting my info on some Christian message boards. The images are just so gruesome. If it wasn’t for sports I couldn’t have cable TV, and only get maybe 15 channels as it is.
I hear more and more people talk about possible persecution here, though, and I’ll be honest, I worry about being able to homeschool you if you were around; of coruse, I felt I’d have had to a decade ago when I thought about it a bit before I went and got my Masters in ministry. Adoption was possible then, but I was just so concerned because of all the problems people said might come, and the anti-Christian eveil the devil is spreading.
But, again, there are som many nice people, and I will make myself get off of worries about the eviel ones. I know it’s likely you wouldn’t have been hurt had you been born and I adopted you. But, this just shows how concerned I’d have been over you, how protective.
The fruits of the Spirit as love, joy, peace, longsuffering(patience), gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness(power under control)and temperance(self control), against such there is no law.(Gal.5:22-23) The problem is that the people in the news I’ve seenact like they can do whatever they want against these fruits – but that’s what always bugged me before, I thought the world should act like Christians, and there’s a reason they don’t. They’re not filled with the Spirit. Sometiems Christians aren’t controlled by the Spirit, and we need to be, but the point is, the Lord has established that these are things we should be, and we should let Him make us like that to be more like Him. Sure, we each have our individual interests, but He wants us to learn to be Christ-like. That’s why He says “against such there is no law.”
In other words, there is no exception, we must be gentle, patient, etc.; kindness(Eph4:32) and tenderheartedness(same verse) are also crucial.
I’d have tried so hard to be a Godly example. Not all have that background or upbringing I did, but even those who haven’t that I’ve met have become Godly people because of Jesus’ love.
I’d told others – high school friends – about you in a letter, though only that I have faith you’re waiting for me and not about my blogging to you. I recently verbally told some friends as we watched football a few Thursdays ago during the Packer game.
The response was interesting – saying that God had other plans. I think they didn’t really grasp that I was saying I consider myself a father to you now, but that’s okay. My brain focuses in weird ways sometimes, and I was speaking with a much more eternal, spiritual perspective than they were thinking. It also makes sense that they’d say this because it is a proven way to comfort someone, pointing out that God is still there for me and His ways are perfect, even if we don’t understand them.
I wasn’t grieving that night – partly because I have this and have slowed quite a bit in my posting, as you can tell, so I have gotten to that acceptance stage. However, if I had been, it would have been a totally logical thing to say, one that would be expected when comforting one, although one I emply more is remarking that there’s a big hole in one’s heart that Jesus can fill.
He has filled that hole in my heart. It’s a hole I realize I had for years till I stepped out in faith and begged the Lord to give me a child so I could shower on them the same tgreat love I always felt. And, it’s a hole the Lord has filled by allowing me to “know you” in this small way and to be confident that you are up there waiting for me and that He truly did work it out well because I would have struggled, not only financially but because of the fallen state of this world. Too many people who refuse to see the need to let the Lord guide them and to show Christlike love. Because He is not only the Lord of the universe, He is also the gentle Saviour who is always so kind and gentle toward us. Yes, I’d have enforced limits with you in a loving fashion, but just having a daddy who has handicaps like I do would have taught you that. Just like the boys who did so well at the game our youth group went to showing me where the concessions were and how to get back.
There are such nice people out there. And, they come because someone was Christlike toward them and they chose to follow that modelt hey were shown, out of devotion, not because they had to, but because they wanted to.
So, this world has its problems, but we can be sure that that God’s love is there for us. I know that He’d have protected you, and only let you go through what you could handle – my main worry is that it would be more than I could handle. Seriously, though. You don’t have to be concerned about that now. You are celebrating in God’s perfect heaven, where nobody has seen, heard, or even imagined the wonders that await us.
And, until we meet, I will continue to share with others God’s love, so they, too, can join us.
With much love,
Daddy
Monday, August 25, 2014
Just general comments as a milestone nears
Hi, Sweetheart.
This is the first County Fair since the Lord helped me understand that my desire to adopt had been answered, and I felt led to pray as Hannah did dedicating Samuel to you, and that I had a child in Heaven. It’s been months since I became certain of this, so it’s probably the last “milestone” as some might say, but it’s one of those things that really will help my prayer life.
See, thinking of you, as the Lord has helped me, has got me thinking about those friends I care about who don’t know Jesus as Saviour. There aren’t many, but a few I don’t know about, one in particular doesn’t and it’s so sad. He was such a nice guy in grade school and high school, and he changed in college for what I think is the results of being robbed – at least that’s what I blame to give me closure. I missed the signs, as I said I miss a lot of betweent he liens stuff with my developmental delay. A few other little things were his suddenly making these blanket statements that hurt when he wouldn’t do that before, but that, too, might have been from being robbed and his anger at those who did that. The problem is, it had to be something more than just going off to college because it didn’t happen right away. Although, there were little things I realized later might have been signs of his frustration with the nice, kind, consider nature of people he was around. I don’t know, maybe he saw some phoniness or maybe I’m just rambling.
Anyway, I prayed so hard for Bob, but lately it’s not as sharp. But, that feeling comes around when fun stuff like this does, that longing for him to be saved, not for my own benefit or even his but solely for the Lord to be glorified.
I’m so glad I don’t have to worry about you, wondering if you’d get saved, if you understood. I know I’ve talked about that stuff in other posts so won’t here.
But, there is the joy of seeing you enjoy all those animals, ride some of the rides, worry I’m going to pass out if I have to go on the Ferris Wheel with you (I hate heights unless I’m in an airplane).Even the sad or disappointing times there would have been – like if you’d eat too much cotton candy and throw up all over me. Yeah, that stuff happens, and especially with girls it seems sweets are so beloved that once or twice you’d probably eat too much. But, that’s okay, I would have loved seeing you grow and see you earn those great rewards in Heaven as you learn to help people and serve others like I do for the Lord.
I have given up this one video game online that I’d been playing, and I have you to thank as I just imagined you pulling the plug on it or doing other stuff to make it not work. I’m trying hard not to make you an imaginary friend like my stuffed aniamls and like Peanuts and other characters are at times, because you’re real, and I’ve always felt it’s not fair for real people to be imaginary friends, even ones who are in heaven at present. But, it was kind of fun, and I’m sure you were looking down and wondering what your silly daddy was doing.
Well, I guess at times I just don’t know what to write in the various stories and alternate history stuff I’ve done. I have my fics at lulu.com of course, like “If Baseball Integrated Early and the others people can see by checking my profile. I’ve even had a few with kids in it – I can see you growing up to be as helpful as Grace in my “Discovering Grace,” though with a much more functional home since she and her brother are the only Christians in the home. Or maybe you’d be more like Abby, having struggles sharing your faith and not sure how to ask for help at first. Either way, I know I’d love you no matter what. But, the important thing is I’ve had bits and pieces of you in many of my characters, in those writings, in “Never Let Me Go” at iunvierse.com, and even in my fan fiction. (All my books also available on Kindle, the Nook store, etc. – boy, it’s amazing what all there is with technology nowadays.)
So, ina way, while it’s been pretend as I talked about in my first post or two, I’ve shared time with you. Maybe not you specifically, but my imagination does lead me to feel so much like I’m there – but as I said, I wanted more and so I prayed earnestly, and the Lord blessed me with a wonderful child who wasn’t born so I could adopt them, but who is celebrating so much right now that a fun thing like the county fair would be nothing compared to what joy you feel.
But, I find joy down here in everything, too, in my writing and in all the stuff I do otherwise, too. I don’t know what the Lrod’s got planned for me, or how I’m going to keep things up financially sometimes, but I know that I’ve got a special treasure waiting for me that can’t be taken away. And, I’m going to keep serving the Lord and telling others about Him – hard as it is at times with my disabilities – and helping others so Jesus can be glorified, so we can celebrate together all that I did here when I finally get to meet you.
Till that day comes, I will be forever,
Your loving Daddy
This is the first County Fair since the Lord helped me understand that my desire to adopt had been answered, and I felt led to pray as Hannah did dedicating Samuel to you, and that I had a child in Heaven. It’s been months since I became certain of this, so it’s probably the last “milestone” as some might say, but it’s one of those things that really will help my prayer life.
See, thinking of you, as the Lord has helped me, has got me thinking about those friends I care about who don’t know Jesus as Saviour. There aren’t many, but a few I don’t know about, one in particular doesn’t and it’s so sad. He was such a nice guy in grade school and high school, and he changed in college for what I think is the results of being robbed – at least that’s what I blame to give me closure. I missed the signs, as I said I miss a lot of betweent he liens stuff with my developmental delay. A few other little things were his suddenly making these blanket statements that hurt when he wouldn’t do that before, but that, too, might have been from being robbed and his anger at those who did that. The problem is, it had to be something more than just going off to college because it didn’t happen right away. Although, there were little things I realized later might have been signs of his frustration with the nice, kind, consider nature of people he was around. I don’t know, maybe he saw some phoniness or maybe I’m just rambling.
Anyway, I prayed so hard for Bob, but lately it’s not as sharp. But, that feeling comes around when fun stuff like this does, that longing for him to be saved, not for my own benefit or even his but solely for the Lord to be glorified.
I’m so glad I don’t have to worry about you, wondering if you’d get saved, if you understood. I know I’ve talked about that stuff in other posts so won’t here.
But, there is the joy of seeing you enjoy all those animals, ride some of the rides, worry I’m going to pass out if I have to go on the Ferris Wheel with you (I hate heights unless I’m in an airplane).Even the sad or disappointing times there would have been – like if you’d eat too much cotton candy and throw up all over me. Yeah, that stuff happens, and especially with girls it seems sweets are so beloved that once or twice you’d probably eat too much. But, that’s okay, I would have loved seeing you grow and see you earn those great rewards in Heaven as you learn to help people and serve others like I do for the Lord.
I have given up this one video game online that I’d been playing, and I have you to thank as I just imagined you pulling the plug on it or doing other stuff to make it not work. I’m trying hard not to make you an imaginary friend like my stuffed aniamls and like Peanuts and other characters are at times, because you’re real, and I’ve always felt it’s not fair for real people to be imaginary friends, even ones who are in heaven at present. But, it was kind of fun, and I’m sure you were looking down and wondering what your silly daddy was doing.
Well, I guess at times I just don’t know what to write in the various stories and alternate history stuff I’ve done. I have my fics at lulu.com of course, like “If Baseball Integrated Early and the others people can see by checking my profile. I’ve even had a few with kids in it – I can see you growing up to be as helpful as Grace in my “Discovering Grace,” though with a much more functional home since she and her brother are the only Christians in the home. Or maybe you’d be more like Abby, having struggles sharing your faith and not sure how to ask for help at first. Either way, I know I’d love you no matter what. But, the important thing is I’ve had bits and pieces of you in many of my characters, in those writings, in “Never Let Me Go” at iunvierse.com, and even in my fan fiction. (All my books also available on Kindle, the Nook store, etc. – boy, it’s amazing what all there is with technology nowadays.)
So, ina way, while it’s been pretend as I talked about in my first post or two, I’ve shared time with you. Maybe not you specifically, but my imagination does lead me to feel so much like I’m there – but as I said, I wanted more and so I prayed earnestly, and the Lord blessed me with a wonderful child who wasn’t born so I could adopt them, but who is celebrating so much right now that a fun thing like the county fair would be nothing compared to what joy you feel.
But, I find joy down here in everything, too, in my writing and in all the stuff I do otherwise, too. I don’t know what the Lrod’s got planned for me, or how I’m going to keep things up financially sometimes, but I know that I’ve got a special treasure waiting for me that can’t be taken away. And, I’m going to keep serving the Lord and telling others about Him – hard as it is at times with my disabilities – and helping others so Jesus can be glorified, so we can celebrate together all that I did here when I finally get to meet you.
Till that day comes, I will be forever,
Your loving Daddy
Monday, August 18, 2014
How you might have been when older
Hi, Sweetheart. Well, your Daddy showed today one reason he kind of wished you’d been born so he could adopt you. Yes, not just so you could live in family filled with love, but also so I could be sure of having someone to help me.
It was just one of those moments, Mom convinced me to get a smartphone and go on her plan and it wouldn’t cost me any extra, unlike other e-mails g-mail adds everything in and it blew me away going from maybe 15 contacts to over 80! It confused me till someone helped me get that account off that device over the phone.
In a way, though, you could argue that it was a sign of how it’d be with you as a teen helping me; I’d get a cell phone for you and decide to upgrade myself and do the same ehing, get just as confused, and you’d help me the way Mom did; at least as far as getting someone on the phone who could figure it out. (The way kids can figure that stuff out you’d have done it by yourself, I’m sure. Yeah, I’ll brag on you a bit, why not.)
It’s so confusing and frustrating that tech stuff can’t just stay the same. I still plan to only use this as a phone except for possibly 2-3 other tiems over each month I might do messaging, but Mom’s always had that childlike enthusiasm for learning and new stuff. Combined with a love language that emphasizes giving – I wonder which of the 5 Love Languages you have – it can lead to times like that.
She’s a great mother, though, and would have made a wonderful grandma for you. She’s getting older but still going well, and I’m not really worried about how I’ll get along once my parents die. The way this world is going the Rapture may well happen before that, anyway. I’ve got lots of great friends,a nd just won’t put myself in some of those types of situations anyway. Oh, I won’t stagnate, I’ll keep learning, and walking around the neighborhood, but I may keep the cell phone I have then or even go to featureless. I just have never had the money for a lot of extras.
But, the point is that I got to have some fun imagining what it’d be like to have you around when you’re older. Indeed, maybe that’s why this did happen. It helped me see I can count on the Lord to help me no matter what, and it also helped me see what you’d have likely been like. Oh, sure, you have the personality you wereborn with to some extent, but hanging around us you’d grow to see the great unconditional love we have for each other. And, you’d probably try to take after her. Yes, some people are more serious, but we’d help you come out of your shell if you had one, and have great fun with the sillys tuff we like to do.
It makes me wonder what you will be like when we finally meet. Yeah, Iknow – “It’s a surprise.” You’re going to have so many special surprises for me, I’m sure.
In the meantime, I know I’ll be all right because the Lord will see me through. And, I have a big enough church lots of others will help me. I’ll probably just admit right away what I might need if it does happen before Jesus returns, in fact. I’ve become very good at opening up, if a bit clumsy at it yet. You’d be proud of me.
But, then again, I know you love me no matter what. Just like I’d always love you, and always will. It’s nice to think about you looking down at me and smiling that cute smile I envision, giggling as I do silly stuff, and so on. Shaking your head as I forget to trust in Jesus for stuff, too, I’m sure, but I eventually get there. Sometimes I even imagine your precious voice saying, “Talk to Jesus about it.” I know it’s only imagination, but it really helps me knowing that it’s not just the Lord. Oh, He’s the one I live for first and foremost, as I have trusted Him as my personal Saviour by faith, calling on Him to forgive and save me through what He did on the cross when He died for my sins and rose again. But, imagining you beside Him and making comments is sometimes helpful, too.
I don’t know when I’ll feel the need to write again, I know it’s been a bit lately again, but whether or not I do, I know you’re having loads of fun.
So, till we meet and you can share all those surprises with me,
Love,
Daddy.
It was just one of those moments, Mom convinced me to get a smartphone and go on her plan and it wouldn’t cost me any extra, unlike other e-mails g-mail adds everything in and it blew me away going from maybe 15 contacts to over 80! It confused me till someone helped me get that account off that device over the phone.
In a way, though, you could argue that it was a sign of how it’d be with you as a teen helping me; I’d get a cell phone for you and decide to upgrade myself and do the same ehing, get just as confused, and you’d help me the way Mom did; at least as far as getting someone on the phone who could figure it out. (The way kids can figure that stuff out you’d have done it by yourself, I’m sure. Yeah, I’ll brag on you a bit, why not.)
It’s so confusing and frustrating that tech stuff can’t just stay the same. I still plan to only use this as a phone except for possibly 2-3 other tiems over each month I might do messaging, but Mom’s always had that childlike enthusiasm for learning and new stuff. Combined with a love language that emphasizes giving – I wonder which of the 5 Love Languages you have – it can lead to times like that.
She’s a great mother, though, and would have made a wonderful grandma for you. She’s getting older but still going well, and I’m not really worried about how I’ll get along once my parents die. The way this world is going the Rapture may well happen before that, anyway. I’ve got lots of great friends,a nd just won’t put myself in some of those types of situations anyway. Oh, I won’t stagnate, I’ll keep learning, and walking around the neighborhood, but I may keep the cell phone I have then or even go to featureless. I just have never had the money for a lot of extras.
But, the point is that I got to have some fun imagining what it’d be like to have you around when you’re older. Indeed, maybe that’s why this did happen. It helped me see I can count on the Lord to help me no matter what, and it also helped me see what you’d have likely been like. Oh, sure, you have the personality you wereborn with to some extent, but hanging around us you’d grow to see the great unconditional love we have for each other. And, you’d probably try to take after her. Yes, some people are more serious, but we’d help you come out of your shell if you had one, and have great fun with the sillys tuff we like to do.
It makes me wonder what you will be like when we finally meet. Yeah, Iknow – “It’s a surprise.” You’re going to have so many special surprises for me, I’m sure.
In the meantime, I know I’ll be all right because the Lord will see me through. And, I have a big enough church lots of others will help me. I’ll probably just admit right away what I might need if it does happen before Jesus returns, in fact. I’ve become very good at opening up, if a bit clumsy at it yet. You’d be proud of me.
But, then again, I know you love me no matter what. Just like I’d always love you, and always will. It’s nice to think about you looking down at me and smiling that cute smile I envision, giggling as I do silly stuff, and so on. Shaking your head as I forget to trust in Jesus for stuff, too, I’m sure, but I eventually get there. Sometimes I even imagine your precious voice saying, “Talk to Jesus about it.” I know it’s only imagination, but it really helps me knowing that it’s not just the Lord. Oh, He’s the one I live for first and foremost, as I have trusted Him as my personal Saviour by faith, calling on Him to forgive and save me through what He did on the cross when He died for my sins and rose again. But, imagining you beside Him and making comments is sometimes helpful, too.
I don’t know when I’ll feel the need to write again, I know it’s been a bit lately again, but whether or not I do, I know you’re having loads of fun.
So, till we meet and you can share all those surprises with me,
Love,
Daddy.
Saturday, August 16, 2014
At least you're away from the mean people
Hi, Sweetheart.
Your daddy has a… saying, I guess you’d say (I should have put a “Say,” in front there, it’d match my sense of humor to start putting them everywhere then if I put a couple nearly together like that.)
Anyway, one reason I don’t watch news anymore is the images and such are so gross and scary at times. With a lot of TV, in fact. I always like to just say “too many mean people.” I am avoiding certain things but also this world does seem to be getting worse at times, as 2 Timothy 3, 1 Timothy 4, and other Bible verses show it would before the end. I don’t know how much longer we have till the dead in Christ rise first and we who remain are caught up together in the air, so we can be forever more with the Lord and we can finally meet in person. But, while we’re here, it’s so nice to see nice people around. There’s actually companies that call a bunch of numbers at once and you can’t disconnect – so if you have to call 911 you can’t. There is so much hatred out there, so much evil. It’s times like that that remind me that, while it’s sad you weren’t born so I could adopt you, it’s great to know you’re in Heaven away from all that evil.
And yet, there is so much good, too. I’m in such a loving neighborhood, a nice place to walk with still a few families there. We’d have had a church close by and you’d have had great friends there.
There’s a saying that it only takes one. That can be something bad – it only takes one person to wreck things – or something good – it only takes one to by an encouragement to others at times.
I know you’d have learned easily through my example to always care for others and put others first. It would have been so much fun. We’d have laughed and played and cried together, and treid our best to stay away from the evil of this world.
But, truthfully, I couldn't stand to hear bad stuff after bad stuff on the news, that’s why I stopped watching before 2000. Too many people only caring about money, too many who don’t think about others.
Still, you’d have made a difference, I can see your sweet smile and hearty laugh now – okay, I can hear the latter, not see it. You’d be an encouragement to me as much as I would be helping you.
I still love to go out in the neighborhood and get together with other people, because there are so many nice ones. And, I’m sure you’d learn to focus on the nice ones, too, and stay away from the mean ones. You’d likely just shy away from certain things with a saying similar to mine.
But, hopefully, you’d also help others who are hurting, too, like I try – clumsily, more so than most neurotypicals, because I don’t know what’s going on between the lines so I need someone to explain ina nice way that a person was abused and that’s why they act a certain way for instance and they need to be encouraged that they can be nice and maybe even taught how. I used to feel like I’d failed a friend from high school who was that way because I couldn’t read between the lines when our coach asked me to not only mentor him on the speech team but include him in stuff with my friends. I felt like I’d failed him when I couldn’t detect that something was a flashback in high school. But, I know now that I did okay – that the Lord used me anyway. And, I know He could use you, too, to make a positive impact.
You’d probably be teaching me how to to do it, too, I imagine, eventually. Once you learned allt he strategies that one develops over the years.
However, you are celebrating in heaven now instead, and while it’s sad for me you can’t be here, I know you’re happy there. So, I remain here, waiting for this neighborhood picnic a few hours from now and wishing I could take you with me and knowing you’d have such fun with the other kids, but knowing you’re with me in spirit and the Lord is with me always guiding and helping me. Because, somehow, He protects me from evil. He knows what my brain was built like and how difficult some things are for me with my handicaps, and only gives me what I can handle with His help. I think a lot of the problems I’ve seen are Him showing me that there are certain things I need to stay away from, because not everyone is as friendly, warm, considerate, etc., as our family.
But, yet, I always venture out knowing He will be there for me.You know Jesus up there as the Creator and Saviour who made everything and… well, I suppose I can’t really say because it’s far more amazing than I can verbalize and you’d say if I asked, “shhhh, it’s a surprise” anyway. But, I have grown to know Jesus as the solid Rock on which I can rely and put my whole trust in because I know Him as my personal SAviour. And, we’re each only a single, sincere prayer of repentence away from eternal life.
You got there just like I will – through the blood of Jesus Christ. And, while I can’t really understand or imagine the wonders you experience, we have that in common. It’s not of works we’re saved, it’s only by grace. Because He doesn’t want us to boast about how we got there.
And, that includes some of those mean people. My friend has been changed by the blood of Jesus. He is saved and a wonderful family man now and he’ll be in Heaven. That’s the great thing. God changes people on the inside when they trust Christ to save them by faith and call on Him for forgiveness. That’s why you don’t’ have those meanies around. They’ve all been changed by the blood in order to be up there.
God’s love is so awesome. Yes, we can certainly share that now, even as I simply write this blog to you. And, while I can’t sing “Jesus Loves You” to you – okay, I can’t sing, period, but that’s neither here nor there – I know you know of that love. And, that’s what I’d want most for you anyway, to know Jesus. Because, while I couldn’t have protected you from everything, or understood every problem, He can.
Till we meet,
Love,
Daddy.
Your daddy has a… saying, I guess you’d say (I should have put a “Say,” in front there, it’d match my sense of humor to start putting them everywhere then if I put a couple nearly together like that.)
Anyway, one reason I don’t watch news anymore is the images and such are so gross and scary at times. With a lot of TV, in fact. I always like to just say “too many mean people.” I am avoiding certain things but also this world does seem to be getting worse at times, as 2 Timothy 3, 1 Timothy 4, and other Bible verses show it would before the end. I don’t know how much longer we have till the dead in Christ rise first and we who remain are caught up together in the air, so we can be forever more with the Lord and we can finally meet in person. But, while we’re here, it’s so nice to see nice people around. There’s actually companies that call a bunch of numbers at once and you can’t disconnect – so if you have to call 911 you can’t. There is so much hatred out there, so much evil. It’s times like that that remind me that, while it’s sad you weren’t born so I could adopt you, it’s great to know you’re in Heaven away from all that evil.
And yet, there is so much good, too. I’m in such a loving neighborhood, a nice place to walk with still a few families there. We’d have had a church close by and you’d have had great friends there.
There’s a saying that it only takes one. That can be something bad – it only takes one person to wreck things – or something good – it only takes one to by an encouragement to others at times.
I know you’d have learned easily through my example to always care for others and put others first. It would have been so much fun. We’d have laughed and played and cried together, and treid our best to stay away from the evil of this world.
But, truthfully, I couldn't stand to hear bad stuff after bad stuff on the news, that’s why I stopped watching before 2000. Too many people only caring about money, too many who don’t think about others.
Still, you’d have made a difference, I can see your sweet smile and hearty laugh now – okay, I can hear the latter, not see it. You’d be an encouragement to me as much as I would be helping you.
I still love to go out in the neighborhood and get together with other people, because there are so many nice ones. And, I’m sure you’d learn to focus on the nice ones, too, and stay away from the mean ones. You’d likely just shy away from certain things with a saying similar to mine.
But, hopefully, you’d also help others who are hurting, too, like I try – clumsily, more so than most neurotypicals, because I don’t know what’s going on between the lines so I need someone to explain ina nice way that a person was abused and that’s why they act a certain way for instance and they need to be encouraged that they can be nice and maybe even taught how. I used to feel like I’d failed a friend from high school who was that way because I couldn’t read between the lines when our coach asked me to not only mentor him on the speech team but include him in stuff with my friends. I felt like I’d failed him when I couldn’t detect that something was a flashback in high school. But, I know now that I did okay – that the Lord used me anyway. And, I know He could use you, too, to make a positive impact.
You’d probably be teaching me how to to do it, too, I imagine, eventually. Once you learned allt he strategies that one develops over the years.
However, you are celebrating in heaven now instead, and while it’s sad for me you can’t be here, I know you’re happy there. So, I remain here, waiting for this neighborhood picnic a few hours from now and wishing I could take you with me and knowing you’d have such fun with the other kids, but knowing you’re with me in spirit and the Lord is with me always guiding and helping me. Because, somehow, He protects me from evil. He knows what my brain was built like and how difficult some things are for me with my handicaps, and only gives me what I can handle with His help. I think a lot of the problems I’ve seen are Him showing me that there are certain things I need to stay away from, because not everyone is as friendly, warm, considerate, etc., as our family.
But, yet, I always venture out knowing He will be there for me.You know Jesus up there as the Creator and Saviour who made everything and… well, I suppose I can’t really say because it’s far more amazing than I can verbalize and you’d say if I asked, “shhhh, it’s a surprise” anyway. But, I have grown to know Jesus as the solid Rock on which I can rely and put my whole trust in because I know Him as my personal SAviour. And, we’re each only a single, sincere prayer of repentence away from eternal life.
You got there just like I will – through the blood of Jesus Christ. And, while I can’t really understand or imagine the wonders you experience, we have that in common. It’s not of works we’re saved, it’s only by grace. Because He doesn’t want us to boast about how we got there.
And, that includes some of those mean people. My friend has been changed by the blood of Jesus. He is saved and a wonderful family man now and he’ll be in Heaven. That’s the great thing. God changes people on the inside when they trust Christ to save them by faith and call on Him for forgiveness. That’s why you don’t’ have those meanies around. They’ve all been changed by the blood in order to be up there.
God’s love is so awesome. Yes, we can certainly share that now, even as I simply write this blog to you. And, while I can’t sing “Jesus Loves You” to you – okay, I can’t sing, period, but that’s neither here nor there – I know you know of that love. And, that’s what I’d want most for you anyway, to know Jesus. Because, while I couldn’t have protected you from everything, or understood every problem, He can.
Till we meet,
Love,
Daddy.
Saturday, August 9, 2014
The difficulty of trusting at times, getting through to others
Hi, Sweetheart,
Yes, it's your silly Daddy again writing to you. It's a pretty day out there, and I know you're enjoying it up there in Heaven, but down here I had some comments before that got eaten because Internet Explorer was getting balky, so now a few days later I had more time and thought I'd write since I just got done with something else.
As I've said - and as you know much better, I imagine, since in Heaven you don't see through a glass darkly - I have trouble with non-verbal cues and with knowing what people's intentions are at times; I'm rather literal compared to most people. It's something I thought was just my poor vision for years - plus poor hearing - but from what I've read I think it is a bit more than that.
Now, I've developed the ability to admit this pretty well and to explain it, so it's not as difficult as it was, but there's still the sense of wondering if I'm supposed to pick up on something I don't. When I try to figure out what those hidden thigns are is when it's really tricky, so wha I do is, since conversation goes so fast anyway, I just always take the literal meaning, since often enough that is what people mean anyway. Sure, I do know what euphemisms are and I have learned to pick up on quite a few of them, but I dont' always and if I tried to explain when i do and when i don't it would take far too long.
So, why am I telling you this?
First, to assure you that I, happily, don't feel the need for a child to raise in Godly love and nurturing so they can help me when older. It would still help, my parents won't be around forever. But, I have developed that ability on my own, thanks to the Lord's help. One important things we as parents do is share Christ's love so that you can love int he same way and help us when we get older - I remember answering questions every day for a few months when my parents got their computer a few years ago, for instance. I know you don't worry in Heaven, but one of those silly ways I look at things is assuring you that you don't have to worry, anyway.
In short, I know the Lord will take care of me, even if I never do adopt. The way this world's going, we might be raptured someday soon anyway.
The second is that this world has a lot of meanies in it. Some companies, for instance, will try to sell you stuff you don't need, and it's hard to know when they're telling the truth and when not. It's a very fine balance between believing people will be good and not being careful and getting so cynical you don't trust anyone. I have always tried to take the former becuase that is how I'd want to be treated, but there are built-in things neurotypicals have that show them when there is danger that I don't always. Hence, someone like you - I'm presuming you'd have been neurotypical, though I'd have loved you no matter what - could still keep a very positive attitude and yet not be taken in by little things that confuse people like me a little. For instance, confusion about which lines a phone company will cover and how common it is for lines inside the home to need repaired; something perhaps added to by how bad this house was when I bought it before fixing it up.
Sweetheart, I'll be honest, I'd have much preferred a world remaining like the '70s - it's so immoral here, and peoples' word isn't good like it used to be. And, it's really sad how things have gone.
However, the Lord is still at work - 2 Timothy 3, 1 Timothy 4, and others show we're int he end times as this stuff gets even worse. But, we can still have revival. Sometimes it just seems so hard to focus on prayer when there is so much going on it's overwhelming.
Which is another problem. There is so much pressure on people to keep reading e-mails and texts allt he time, when in fact that is adding to the problems. If people would just slow down there wouldn't be texting while driving accidents and we could be more leisurely and focus on the Lord. I told someone the other day I wouldn't want a device where I ca check e-mail whenever I want. I want a slower pace, a calmer life.
Yeah, I know, a simple life wouldn't have gone with having you and all the fun we'd have had. But, with you it would have been a joy, seeing you grow and learn and have so much fun with life. If I'd had to hoemschool you to protect you from all the problems I would have, our church has a great co-op of parents who do so. It would have been such a blessing. Indeed, when i was a teen I told some friends my theme song would be, "You Gotta Stop and Smell the Roses." I was more mature than a lot of people the, though I had friends who didn't want all the crazy stuff some teens were doing, too.
But, as I remarked about imagination, I've had the thrill of imagination to help,a nd a lot of joys even without you. It shows how I miss you a bit sometimes yet, but I know you're in the best place there can be. When we taped the radio show I didn't come out and say I know the Lord had a child for me waiting in heaven becasue it would have been going off on a tangent, but I did say He might. And, I'd have always forgiven you, just like He always forgives us.
It would have been wonderful. But, I've had a great life as it is, and who knows, the Lord could open the door for me to do that in the future anyway.
For now, though, your daddy is so excited about the things he can do. I know God will see us through down here on earth while you celebrate in Heaven. And until we meet someday on that happy, golden shore, the Lord will guide me through. My hope is built on Him, and Him alone, because I know even if we can't always trust people anymore, we can always trust Him.
Love, Daddy
Yes, it's your silly Daddy again writing to you. It's a pretty day out there, and I know you're enjoying it up there in Heaven, but down here I had some comments before that got eaten because Internet Explorer was getting balky, so now a few days later I had more time and thought I'd write since I just got done with something else.
As I've said - and as you know much better, I imagine, since in Heaven you don't see through a glass darkly - I have trouble with non-verbal cues and with knowing what people's intentions are at times; I'm rather literal compared to most people. It's something I thought was just my poor vision for years - plus poor hearing - but from what I've read I think it is a bit more than that.
Now, I've developed the ability to admit this pretty well and to explain it, so it's not as difficult as it was, but there's still the sense of wondering if I'm supposed to pick up on something I don't. When I try to figure out what those hidden thigns are is when it's really tricky, so wha I do is, since conversation goes so fast anyway, I just always take the literal meaning, since often enough that is what people mean anyway. Sure, I do know what euphemisms are and I have learned to pick up on quite a few of them, but I dont' always and if I tried to explain when i do and when i don't it would take far too long.
So, why am I telling you this?
First, to assure you that I, happily, don't feel the need for a child to raise in Godly love and nurturing so they can help me when older. It would still help, my parents won't be around forever. But, I have developed that ability on my own, thanks to the Lord's help. One important things we as parents do is share Christ's love so that you can love int he same way and help us when we get older - I remember answering questions every day for a few months when my parents got their computer a few years ago, for instance. I know you don't worry in Heaven, but one of those silly ways I look at things is assuring you that you don't have to worry, anyway.
In short, I know the Lord will take care of me, even if I never do adopt. The way this world's going, we might be raptured someday soon anyway.
The second is that this world has a lot of meanies in it. Some companies, for instance, will try to sell you stuff you don't need, and it's hard to know when they're telling the truth and when not. It's a very fine balance between believing people will be good and not being careful and getting so cynical you don't trust anyone. I have always tried to take the former becuase that is how I'd want to be treated, but there are built-in things neurotypicals have that show them when there is danger that I don't always. Hence, someone like you - I'm presuming you'd have been neurotypical, though I'd have loved you no matter what - could still keep a very positive attitude and yet not be taken in by little things that confuse people like me a little. For instance, confusion about which lines a phone company will cover and how common it is for lines inside the home to need repaired; something perhaps added to by how bad this house was when I bought it before fixing it up.
Sweetheart, I'll be honest, I'd have much preferred a world remaining like the '70s - it's so immoral here, and peoples' word isn't good like it used to be. And, it's really sad how things have gone.
However, the Lord is still at work - 2 Timothy 3, 1 Timothy 4, and others show we're int he end times as this stuff gets even worse. But, we can still have revival. Sometimes it just seems so hard to focus on prayer when there is so much going on it's overwhelming.
Which is another problem. There is so much pressure on people to keep reading e-mails and texts allt he time, when in fact that is adding to the problems. If people would just slow down there wouldn't be texting while driving accidents and we could be more leisurely and focus on the Lord. I told someone the other day I wouldn't want a device where I ca check e-mail whenever I want. I want a slower pace, a calmer life.
Yeah, I know, a simple life wouldn't have gone with having you and all the fun we'd have had. But, with you it would have been a joy, seeing you grow and learn and have so much fun with life. If I'd had to hoemschool you to protect you from all the problems I would have, our church has a great co-op of parents who do so. It would have been such a blessing. Indeed, when i was a teen I told some friends my theme song would be, "You Gotta Stop and Smell the Roses." I was more mature than a lot of people the, though I had friends who didn't want all the crazy stuff some teens were doing, too.
But, as I remarked about imagination, I've had the thrill of imagination to help,a nd a lot of joys even without you. It shows how I miss you a bit sometimes yet, but I know you're in the best place there can be. When we taped the radio show I didn't come out and say I know the Lord had a child for me waiting in heaven becasue it would have been going off on a tangent, but I did say He might. And, I'd have always forgiven you, just like He always forgives us.
It would have been wonderful. But, I've had a great life as it is, and who knows, the Lord could open the door for me to do that in the future anyway.
For now, though, your daddy is so excited about the things he can do. I know God will see us through down here on earth while you celebrate in Heaven. And until we meet someday on that happy, golden shore, the Lord will guide me through. My hope is built on Him, and Him alone, because I know even if we can't always trust people anymore, we can always trust Him.
Love, Daddy
Thursday, July 31, 2014
random thoughts as I imagien how we'd interact - and how we will someday
I opened a razor that was maybe 10 years old today. Your silly Daddy could just imagine you asking all sorts of questions - why did I wait so long, etc..
My mom and ad retired within a couple years of each other soona fter, and so had bought a number of thigns for me to have in reserve - I already had an electric razor in reserve because I had forgotten one on vacation in 1991. The one from the late '80s went kaput - the engine finally wore out in it - and so theone from '91, which had been used sparingly since - is now the main one.
It would have helped a lot, as I may have said, to adopt while my parents were still healthy (Mom still is, Dad's okay but has Parkinson's) and able to get around a lot better, due to my handicaps. I coudl still adopt now, of course, but I guess part of why I was so anxious and begged the Lord for a little one finally is because I knew it wouldn't be quite as easy, at least not to have a newborn.
So, the Lord urged me to go forward and believe in faith He could give me a child and the money to adopt that child, and then just when thigns seemed ready suddenly the money wasn't there coming in like I expected, and while He blessed me with you, He also showed me how I needed to trust Him with you. And so, your daddy's here on earth anxiously awaiting that time we can meet face to face.
It would have been so much fun to tell you how excited I was so often about having you, and how much I love you, and sharing your story with you so you would know how much i cared. I guess in a way I still can. I mean, I'm doing this, I imagine little bits and pieces of of things like you peppering me with questions for many minutes. It's not the same as raising you here on Earth, but I do feel, in some smallway, that I do know you.
And I promise I'm not going to say "I hope you don't mind not knowing me yet" becasue I know you're going to say, "Silly dady, I in Heaven!Remember?" And, I laugh at that giggle you probably have at my silliness, and it makes me feel good, becasue I know that you are well cared for, that you're enjoying it so much up there, where nobody has seen or heard or even imagined the wonders that await us.
Meanwile, I'm down here, but not down. Because I trusted the Lord Jesus Christ, God in flesh, to take the punishment for my sins. I believed by faith that what He did on the cross - when He died and rose fromt he dead - took all the punishment for my sins, and I called on Him by faith to save me from my sins. I know I'm going to Heaven now, only because of what Jesus did, I know I can't make it on my own merit.
But you, you have that chance to get there becasue jesus saves to the uttermost, and you died before you could understand that need to be saved, even before you were born. And so, I know we shall meet, and you can tell me about all the joyful thigns you've seen and experienced when I get up there.
I don't know if I'll ever be able to adopt on this earth; I'm in my mid-40s and money just never worked out yet. But, I know no matter what, I have a little one who makes me smile just in my imagining, and is a very special person to me. I may not be able to physically tell you that, but I'm sure you know. And, that's what important.
Love,
Daddy
My mom and ad retired within a couple years of each other soona fter, and so had bought a number of thigns for me to have in reserve - I already had an electric razor in reserve because I had forgotten one on vacation in 1991. The one from the late '80s went kaput - the engine finally wore out in it - and so theone from '91, which had been used sparingly since - is now the main one.
It would have helped a lot, as I may have said, to adopt while my parents were still healthy (Mom still is, Dad's okay but has Parkinson's) and able to get around a lot better, due to my handicaps. I coudl still adopt now, of course, but I guess part of why I was so anxious and begged the Lord for a little one finally is because I knew it wouldn't be quite as easy, at least not to have a newborn.
So, the Lord urged me to go forward and believe in faith He could give me a child and the money to adopt that child, and then just when thigns seemed ready suddenly the money wasn't there coming in like I expected, and while He blessed me with you, He also showed me how I needed to trust Him with you. And so, your daddy's here on earth anxiously awaiting that time we can meet face to face.
It would have been so much fun to tell you how excited I was so often about having you, and how much I love you, and sharing your story with you so you would know how much i cared. I guess in a way I still can. I mean, I'm doing this, I imagine little bits and pieces of of things like you peppering me with questions for many minutes. It's not the same as raising you here on Earth, but I do feel, in some smallway, that I do know you.
And I promise I'm not going to say "I hope you don't mind not knowing me yet" becasue I know you're going to say, "Silly dady, I in Heaven!Remember?" And, I laugh at that giggle you probably have at my silliness, and it makes me feel good, becasue I know that you are well cared for, that you're enjoying it so much up there, where nobody has seen or heard or even imagined the wonders that await us.
Meanwile, I'm down here, but not down. Because I trusted the Lord Jesus Christ, God in flesh, to take the punishment for my sins. I believed by faith that what He did on the cross - when He died and rose fromt he dead - took all the punishment for my sins, and I called on Him by faith to save me from my sins. I know I'm going to Heaven now, only because of what Jesus did, I know I can't make it on my own merit.
But you, you have that chance to get there becasue jesus saves to the uttermost, and you died before you could understand that need to be saved, even before you were born. And so, I know we shall meet, and you can tell me about all the joyful thigns you've seen and experienced when I get up there.
I don't know if I'll ever be able to adopt on this earth; I'm in my mid-40s and money just never worked out yet. But, I know no matter what, I have a little one who makes me smile just in my imagining, and is a very special person to me. I may not be able to physically tell you that, but I'm sure you know. And, that's what important.
Love,
Daddy
Saturday, July 26, 2014
On love, "I love you," nonverbal language
Sweetheart,
I can imagine your “I love you”s so easily. I know you do. Just like I know Jesus loves me.
Sometimes it’s so important to hear that. I heard it every day when I was little, often several tiems a day. I’d have done the same for you, because I know it’s important to hear that.
There’s a great book called “Five Love Languages,” I forget who wrote it, but the way I show love most is by helping others. Sometiems that means that, combined with my not getting hidden meanings and tones and such, I can be tricked into paying a bit more for something because I don’t get how unusual is is, for instance, to need help with the lines inside my house when it comes to the phone. There’s too many people who only want your money and who don’t want to tell you there’s a very slim chance of you needing such help. Or even helping you understand the outside lines aren’t the same thing.
That makes me feel unloved at tiems till I remember how much I am loved, especially by Jesus. I wonder what your “love language” would have been. It’s sometimes different in how we feel love than in how we express it.I think mine’s the same but part of why I feel loved by others helping me is because of my handicaps. So, it might be a bit different.
I’d have taught you to show love, respect,a nd appreciation. A while ago the Lord reminded me of some times I’ve heard it from kids in our church, either a thanks or something they made my co-teacher and I for Christmas or pictures they drew. Even without those little things, I always feel “these people love me” at my church, and I’m so happy about that.
So, the Lord’s helped me realize I’m loved, but while I know you are in Heaven where you can love on Jesus and he provides so much love back, I’m writing this just to say “I love you” to you. I know you know it. But, the best way to feel loved sometimes is to love others; as we do, so shall it be done unto us.
And, I’m sure you know. I just over-empathize at times, once I know something’s a concern, I feel overly much for them. I guess I overcompensate for the fact I don’t read things as well, but pick up the basics very well.I know a nod means “yes” but just don’t always pick up when it’s being used for something else – like one time I expressed shock when a friend posted that someone had “nodded hello.” I didn’t know that was possible.
But, as I say, I’d pick up the basics and have gotten to know you well. I’m sure you’d have learned to verbalize well your concerns, and I’d have helped.
Thankfully, you are in Heaven when you don’t have to worry about confusion over that, because not all signs to seem to meant he same thing to everyone. That makes it even more confusing. One day, I will celebrate with you – for as David said of his deceased son, you won’t come to me but I’ll go to you.
Till that wonderful meeting in Heaven, I love you, Sweetheart.
Love, Daddy
I can imagine your “I love you”s so easily. I know you do. Just like I know Jesus loves me.
Sometimes it’s so important to hear that. I heard it every day when I was little, often several tiems a day. I’d have done the same for you, because I know it’s important to hear that.
There’s a great book called “Five Love Languages,” I forget who wrote it, but the way I show love most is by helping others. Sometiems that means that, combined with my not getting hidden meanings and tones and such, I can be tricked into paying a bit more for something because I don’t get how unusual is is, for instance, to need help with the lines inside my house when it comes to the phone. There’s too many people who only want your money and who don’t want to tell you there’s a very slim chance of you needing such help. Or even helping you understand the outside lines aren’t the same thing.
That makes me feel unloved at tiems till I remember how much I am loved, especially by Jesus. I wonder what your “love language” would have been. It’s sometimes different in how we feel love than in how we express it.I think mine’s the same but part of why I feel loved by others helping me is because of my handicaps. So, it might be a bit different.
I’d have taught you to show love, respect,a nd appreciation. A while ago the Lord reminded me of some times I’ve heard it from kids in our church, either a thanks or something they made my co-teacher and I for Christmas or pictures they drew. Even without those little things, I always feel “these people love me” at my church, and I’m so happy about that.
So, the Lord’s helped me realize I’m loved, but while I know you are in Heaven where you can love on Jesus and he provides so much love back, I’m writing this just to say “I love you” to you. I know you know it. But, the best way to feel loved sometimes is to love others; as we do, so shall it be done unto us.
And, I’m sure you know. I just over-empathize at times, once I know something’s a concern, I feel overly much for them. I guess I overcompensate for the fact I don’t read things as well, but pick up the basics very well.I know a nod means “yes” but just don’t always pick up when it’s being used for something else – like one time I expressed shock when a friend posted that someone had “nodded hello.” I didn’t know that was possible.
But, as I say, I’d pick up the basics and have gotten to know you well. I’m sure you’d have learned to verbalize well your concerns, and I’d have helped.
Thankfully, you are in Heaven when you don’t have to worry about confusion over that, because not all signs to seem to meant he same thing to everyone. That makes it even more confusing. One day, I will celebrate with you – for as David said of his deceased son, you won’t come to me but I’ll go to you.
Till that wonderful meeting in Heaven, I love you, Sweetheart.
Love, Daddy
Friday, July 25, 2014
On imagination, and being glad you're where you are
You can imagine a cardboard box is anything – a spaceship, a tent, a boat, imagination is so amazing. We lose that as adults. I wonder what it’s like in Heaven. Yeah, I know what you’d say – “Shhh, can’t tell you, it’s a surprise.”
But, maybe it’s a bit of my slight Dandy-Walker Syndrome, which caused my eye problems, maybe it’s my slight cerebral palsy, maybe even a bit of Asperger’s though that’s more likely just PDD-NOS is anything, but that ability to imagine never left me totally.
It’s served me well, with all my writing, fan fiction and otherwise. I don’t know if God gave you a creative mind like mine, but I know when we get to Heaven, we’ll have perfect bodies – what about our minds. Yeah, I know, I don’t mind waiting for the surprise, but it’s one of those things I wonder about. And, I thought it was good to continue my post from last night to make sure it was understood I always knew I was imagining with the “Full Hosue” stuff and all the other daydreaming. And, that’s really what led me to finally pray and say, “Lord, this imagining doesn’t work anymore, it doesn’t satisfy, I need You to bless me.”
It was then I prayed so earnestly for a child, and I dedicated you to Him, because H knew what would happen, and that you would simply be waiting for me in Heaven.
I haven’t given up the thought I could adopt someday, but frankly it looks like the Lord could return in the next few years if not sooner the way things are going. And, I don’t have the intense need in my heart I did when I was praying so hard, because the Lord has given me peace. It’s as if He wanted me to realize this blessing He had for me. Because I don’t feel the need to pretend like I did years ago. It’s still fun to write, but all the fan fiction and stuff just isn’t important to me anymore. I feel a sense of peace.
When children are little, one reason they imagine is just to play and have fun, but another reason is to establish how things work in their minds, it’s as if they know they need to practice because adults are so good at it. (Well, we’re not as perfect as children think – certainly not as perfect as I saw adults when I was little – but that’s neither here nor there.) One you get to be a certain age, that playing gets to be less and less. Sure, pro athletes play for a living. I longed to be able to play baseball in the majors when I was little – and who knows maybe I’ll play some baseball in Heaven. But, ordinarily, that fun of play and pretend dissipates and we have to find fun in other ways – and there is plenty of joy to be had in life when we look for it and keep a positive attitude. I try to do so all the time, in fact.
You missed out on that, but in a way, you’re lucky. You don’t have to worry about how we don’t really let kids be kids like when I was growing up. There’s too much more stress, too little innocence, anymore, though I would have done my best to make it as easy as possible. Indeed, the more I think, I would have home schooled you – our church has quite a few in a co-op who do things together and have neat field trips and stuff like that. You’d have gotten plenty of socialization that way. But, kids don’t even play out in their yards as much anymore. And, I’d have felt so sad that it wasn’t the wonderful life of the 1970s and ‘80s that this was finally the thing that the Lord used to help me see that it’s okay if you weren’t born so I never had the chance to adopt you. It’s not what I wanted, I’d have preferred to adopt you. I don’t know what you think.
Yeah, I know. “Silly Daddy, I’m in Heaven, what do you think?” It is much better there.
But, still, there’s things you didn’t get to experience that I’d have had fun going through with you. Some of that is that imagination and play and so on. But, what I’d want most is to see you happy. And, if that was the best way the Lord could make sure you would be happy and safe from any problems, then I accept it because I know Jesus knows what’s best.
Till that glorious everlasting Day in heaven, so long and thank for listening.
Love, Daddy.
But, maybe it’s a bit of my slight Dandy-Walker Syndrome, which caused my eye problems, maybe it’s my slight cerebral palsy, maybe even a bit of Asperger’s though that’s more likely just PDD-NOS is anything, but that ability to imagine never left me totally.
It’s served me well, with all my writing, fan fiction and otherwise. I don’t know if God gave you a creative mind like mine, but I know when we get to Heaven, we’ll have perfect bodies – what about our minds. Yeah, I know, I don’t mind waiting for the surprise, but it’s one of those things I wonder about. And, I thought it was good to continue my post from last night to make sure it was understood I always knew I was imagining with the “Full Hosue” stuff and all the other daydreaming. And, that’s really what led me to finally pray and say, “Lord, this imagining doesn’t work anymore, it doesn’t satisfy, I need You to bless me.”
It was then I prayed so earnestly for a child, and I dedicated you to Him, because H knew what would happen, and that you would simply be waiting for me in Heaven.
I haven’t given up the thought I could adopt someday, but frankly it looks like the Lord could return in the next few years if not sooner the way things are going. And, I don’t have the intense need in my heart I did when I was praying so hard, because the Lord has given me peace. It’s as if He wanted me to realize this blessing He had for me. Because I don’t feel the need to pretend like I did years ago. It’s still fun to write, but all the fan fiction and stuff just isn’t important to me anymore. I feel a sense of peace.
When children are little, one reason they imagine is just to play and have fun, but another reason is to establish how things work in their minds, it’s as if they know they need to practice because adults are so good at it. (Well, we’re not as perfect as children think – certainly not as perfect as I saw adults when I was little – but that’s neither here nor there.) One you get to be a certain age, that playing gets to be less and less. Sure, pro athletes play for a living. I longed to be able to play baseball in the majors when I was little – and who knows maybe I’ll play some baseball in Heaven. But, ordinarily, that fun of play and pretend dissipates and we have to find fun in other ways – and there is plenty of joy to be had in life when we look for it and keep a positive attitude. I try to do so all the time, in fact.
You missed out on that, but in a way, you’re lucky. You don’t have to worry about how we don’t really let kids be kids like when I was growing up. There’s too much more stress, too little innocence, anymore, though I would have done my best to make it as easy as possible. Indeed, the more I think, I would have home schooled you – our church has quite a few in a co-op who do things together and have neat field trips and stuff like that. You’d have gotten plenty of socialization that way. But, kids don’t even play out in their yards as much anymore. And, I’d have felt so sad that it wasn’t the wonderful life of the 1970s and ‘80s that this was finally the thing that the Lord used to help me see that it’s okay if you weren’t born so I never had the chance to adopt you. It’s not what I wanted, I’d have preferred to adopt you. I don’t know what you think.
Yeah, I know. “Silly Daddy, I’m in Heaven, what do you think?” It is much better there.
But, still, there’s things you didn’t get to experience that I’d have had fun going through with you. Some of that is that imagination and play and so on. But, what I’d want most is to see you happy. And, if that was the best way the Lord could make sure you would be happy and safe from any problems, then I accept it because I know Jesus knows what’s best.
Till that glorious everlasting Day in heaven, so long and thank for listening.
Love, Daddy.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
What would you have been like - eating and other sometimes battles
To my Sweetheart,
I may have people reading this who lost a child, so I saw something today that made me want to post again.
It was my cousin's little girl, almost 2, enjoying a salad being fed to her and feeding herself - with her hands.
I wouldn't have felt comfortable posting you on FB - I don't even have my own picture on there! But, it made me wonder, would you have been a good eater like her and her older cousin? Sure, some kids would rather play and have to be convinced to eat something so they can then have dessert, but I mean in general? It's kind of hard to know since where you are now, you have tastes that range far and wide in your resurrection body. Indeed, it's possible everything tastes like your favorite and you never tire of it. Us silly humans on Earth have such amazing ideas of what Heaven is like.
I've imagined, over the years, how it would be trying to get you to eat, and since I usually ate well - even if it was always spaghetti for a time and my mom had to blend vegetables into the sauce, I still wanted to eat when it was time - I don't usually imagine much problem. I just envision myself getting a shocked look like my mom would if I tried something new.
I've practiced other things, too, over the years - I was doing such practice 20 years ago, in fact. Back then, I knew my handicaps would cause trouble, but I thought I could do it and planned to adopt a lot. But, that wasn't God's plan, I've never had the money. Still, the door was open for a second, till it somehow shut with no warning.
I have had little pleasures - holding a newborn baby, leading a child to Christ, teaching a cousin to tell time on a sleepover, reading to one (and getting so confused I tried to tell the story of Goldilocks and the 3 Pigs - hey, I was into "Peanuts" and such, not nursery stuff. I read a fair deal when I was 3.) I have had so many real adventures, even disciplined a few times with my cousins and one niece. I always have loved to hug and be tender and caring. I'd have been a good dad, and still could, I guess. But, your life ended before it began, before I could adopt you.
I've had fun doing all those little things, and in my imagination I've done so much more. That "Full House" Chronology I'm sure you'd have helped with. That time for a long while I would sporadically pretend I had kids and imagine myself with you at different ages. Yes, it's wasn't just the "Full House" kids, TV and Book universe, I helped to grow. (You could see it, to those who read this, at www-full-house.org under "FullHouse".) I actually imagined and pretended you went off to college, and my imagination's so good I cried when I left you that day. :-) That was one say to let go, pretending you were gone and now married, off somewhere as a missionary. But, this helps too.
Sorry, that ramble was worthy of Danny Tanner. Anyway, I’ve had fun and been able to do things, real and imagined, which help me, but this has been important because as I told the Lord, the imaginary world wasn’t satisfying anymore. I needed to know you if I wasn’t going to adopt. And so, He finally showed me the truth. He’d have opened the doors to let me have you if you’d been born, but now, I just await seeing you in Heaven. I’m anxious to get to know all about you. And, I just know it’s going to be so much fun. In the meantime, I will obey Jesus’ command to occupy till He comes, and be about His business of sharing His love, forgiveness, and salvation with a lost and dying world.
Till we meet, I’m so glad to know you are safe on God’s celestial shore.
Love, Daddy.
I may have people reading this who lost a child, so I saw something today that made me want to post again.
It was my cousin's little girl, almost 2, enjoying a salad being fed to her and feeding herself - with her hands.
I wouldn't have felt comfortable posting you on FB - I don't even have my own picture on there! But, it made me wonder, would you have been a good eater like her and her older cousin? Sure, some kids would rather play and have to be convinced to eat something so they can then have dessert, but I mean in general? It's kind of hard to know since where you are now, you have tastes that range far and wide in your resurrection body. Indeed, it's possible everything tastes like your favorite and you never tire of it. Us silly humans on Earth have such amazing ideas of what Heaven is like.
I've imagined, over the years, how it would be trying to get you to eat, and since I usually ate well - even if it was always spaghetti for a time and my mom had to blend vegetables into the sauce, I still wanted to eat when it was time - I don't usually imagine much problem. I just envision myself getting a shocked look like my mom would if I tried something new.
I've practiced other things, too, over the years - I was doing such practice 20 years ago, in fact. Back then, I knew my handicaps would cause trouble, but I thought I could do it and planned to adopt a lot. But, that wasn't God's plan, I've never had the money. Still, the door was open for a second, till it somehow shut with no warning.
I have had little pleasures - holding a newborn baby, leading a child to Christ, teaching a cousin to tell time on a sleepover, reading to one (and getting so confused I tried to tell the story of Goldilocks and the 3 Pigs - hey, I was into "Peanuts" and such, not nursery stuff. I read a fair deal when I was 3.) I have had so many real adventures, even disciplined a few times with my cousins and one niece. I always have loved to hug and be tender and caring. I'd have been a good dad, and still could, I guess. But, your life ended before it began, before I could adopt you.
I've had fun doing all those little things, and in my imagination I've done so much more. That "Full House" Chronology I'm sure you'd have helped with. That time for a long while I would sporadically pretend I had kids and imagine myself with you at different ages. Yes, it's wasn't just the "Full House" kids, TV and Book universe, I helped to grow. (You could see it, to those who read this, at www-full-house.org under "FullHouse".) I actually imagined and pretended you went off to college, and my imagination's so good I cried when I left you that day. :-) That was one say to let go, pretending you were gone and now married, off somewhere as a missionary. But, this helps too.
Sorry, that ramble was worthy of Danny Tanner. Anyway, I’ve had fun and been able to do things, real and imagined, which help me, but this has been important because as I told the Lord, the imaginary world wasn’t satisfying anymore. I needed to know you if I wasn’t going to adopt. And so, He finally showed me the truth. He’d have opened the doors to let me have you if you’d been born, but now, I just await seeing you in Heaven. I’m anxious to get to know all about you. And, I just know it’s going to be so much fun. In the meantime, I will obey Jesus’ command to occupy till He comes, and be about His business of sharing His love, forgiveness, and salvation with a lost and dying world.
Till we meet, I’m so glad to know you are safe on God’s celestial shore.
Love, Daddy.
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Talking of helping someone - similar reaction either way
Sweetheart,
I had to remind myself to do it for the Lord, not for you, but ou'd have enjoyed tonight. I was able to help a young person by listening to their problems - just as I hoped you'd do. I figured I'd have taught you to be a kind, considerate, loving Christian who showed a great example of who Christ is.
Instead, you're celebrating in Glory, and I did avoid doing what I would have done had you lived, too. See, I'd have put a lot of focus on being a Christian example for you, instead of for Jesus.So, it was actually quite similar. Yes, we need to show a great example of Jesus Christ in our thoughts as well as our actions. But, true JOY comes from putting it in this order- Jesus, Others, Yourself.
So, I listened to the Spirit's leading for Him. But, I thought of you, too. Except instead of saying, I hope you learn from mye xample," it was, "I hope she's proud of me."
lol, there's another thing - I just have this hunch you're a girl because I'd be better with someone who isn't prone to stages of being realy physical, and boys have more of that problem than girls. Girls are more willing to express themselves verbally and that's impor5tant since I can't read nonverbal cues as well.
Oh, well, I'm sorry, I'm rambling here. But, while I know you're looking down from Heaven and saw it, I wanted to post a little bit to you, but also show how it's reallyi rather similar to how it would have been had you been born. So, you can see that I am at the acceptance stage of the grieving process.God knows what's best. And, if I'm not to have a child except for you, I eagerly away that day we meet.
Love, Daddy
I had to remind myself to do it for the Lord, not for you, but ou'd have enjoyed tonight. I was able to help a young person by listening to their problems - just as I hoped you'd do. I figured I'd have taught you to be a kind, considerate, loving Christian who showed a great example of who Christ is.
Instead, you're celebrating in Glory, and I did avoid doing what I would have done had you lived, too. See, I'd have put a lot of focus on being a Christian example for you, instead of for Jesus.So, it was actually quite similar. Yes, we need to show a great example of Jesus Christ in our thoughts as well as our actions. But, true JOY comes from putting it in this order- Jesus, Others, Yourself.
So, I listened to the Spirit's leading for Him. But, I thought of you, too. Except instead of saying, I hope you learn from mye xample," it was, "I hope she's proud of me."
lol, there's another thing - I just have this hunch you're a girl because I'd be better with someone who isn't prone to stages of being realy physical, and boys have more of that problem than girls. Girls are more willing to express themselves verbally and that's impor5tant since I can't read nonverbal cues as well.
Oh, well, I'm sorry, I'm rambling here. But, while I know you're looking down from Heaven and saw it, I wanted to post a little bit to you, but also show how it's reallyi rather similar to how it would have been had you been born. So, you can see that I am at the acceptance stage of the grieving process.God knows what's best. And, if I'm not to have a child except for you, I eagerly away that day we meet.
Love, Daddy
Thanks to Jesus' love, your silly Daddy is writing to you
Hi, Sweetheart,
I know what you'd probably say if we could talk. "Silly Daddy, why are you writing this?"
You know the story. I'm a man with multiple handicaps but a love for children. Money was always an obstacle to adoption but I always wanted to. And, after I begged the Lord in prayer, feeling I missed you so much, He said, "Okay," and I went forward and claimed His promise. I began to look into it, how to do it...
Things seemed to be progressing, but then suddenly the Lord showed me in prayer I should simply dedicate you as Hannah dedicated Samuel. That Jesus would take care of you. And that you were going to be born, but something happened. Perhaps you were aborted - that's the most likely thing.
If so, you should know I forgive your birth mother the same as I'd have forgiven you no matter what you did. Even crashing the car into the kitchen like that "Full House" episode I used as an illustration to explain the Gospel a few times.
So, God has given me peace that you are in Heaven now. Yes, it's rather strange that your silly Daddy is writing to you. You probably think a lot of what we do on Earth is silly, up there in Heaven where you'll never feel pain or suffer or have heartache. I'll never have to worry about you being bullied and what would happen if I couldn't stop it. I'll never have to worry about your relationships or have to console you as you cry on my shoulder because of some silly tiff you may have had with a friend. I'll never have to fret over the lack of spontaneity compared to when I was a child, or how I might be able to home school you but would I have the freedom here in the U.S. the way things are going? And, most importantly, would you trust Jesus Christ as your Saviour at an early age so you can have that great relationship with Jesus I do?
No, I'll never have those worries; as David said of his deceased son, you won't come to me but I will go to you. But, I'll never have the joys, either, of seeing your many triumphs, sharing with you all the Lord has shown me. Rejoicing as you learn new things and see how amazing the world is, how fileld with color and tastes and textures - yes, I know those thigns are so much more vibrant in Heaven, but there is something special about learning, about finding out new things, about exploring, about just being with others and helping others and giving of yourself.
So, that's what this blog will be about. The rare times I write, when I feel like I need to, it'll be about that, and how awesome it would have been with you.
I know, you'll say, "Silly Daddy, it's even better here!" I know. But, one of those heartaches you'll never have to know is being away from a loved one like I am you (and others of course, but I long to see you more than anyone except for my Saviour Jesus Christ.) Yet I am like a soldier in World War Two, though here my mission is sharing Christ's love and bringing people to the Lord. And, like WW2 soldiers, I'm here for the duration, till the Lord calls me home. Only then, when He says, will I be able to hear your voice, meet you for the first time, cuddle you and celebrate with you. Only then will I hear "Daddy's home" from you, as I am caught up in the sky with all the others as 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 and the end of 1 Corinthians describe. Either with the deceased saints who are dead in Christ and rise first or with we who remain and are caught up together in the clouds to meet Him in the air.
Till then? I'm so glad you have the best sitter you could have, in Jesus Christ. And, I will keep going here so God can get all the glory. And if I don't write in this for a while, it's not that I don't think of you. It's just that the Lord has me so busy with other things or I don't have any time. But, I love you and will always love you with all my heart. And, maybe this will help someone else who is struggling, I don't know. All I know is the Lord knew what was best. Maybe I'll adopt someday after all, but till I would multiply my love to take in a living child, please know that I love you and we'd have had great times here despite the troubles. And someday, we will have great fun in Heaven celebrating together forever, because the shed blood of Jesus Christ has washed our sins away. You because you died way before the age of accountability, me because I trusted Jesus Christ by faith to forgive me of my sins, and I call on Him to forgive me and save me.
So, till we meet, have a great time up there. I love you.(Blows kiss, imagines one blown back to him.)
Love, Daddy
I know what you'd probably say if we could talk. "Silly Daddy, why are you writing this?"
You know the story. I'm a man with multiple handicaps but a love for children. Money was always an obstacle to adoption but I always wanted to. And, after I begged the Lord in prayer, feeling I missed you so much, He said, "Okay," and I went forward and claimed His promise. I began to look into it, how to do it...
Things seemed to be progressing, but then suddenly the Lord showed me in prayer I should simply dedicate you as Hannah dedicated Samuel. That Jesus would take care of you. And that you were going to be born, but something happened. Perhaps you were aborted - that's the most likely thing.
If so, you should know I forgive your birth mother the same as I'd have forgiven you no matter what you did. Even crashing the car into the kitchen like that "Full House" episode I used as an illustration to explain the Gospel a few times.
So, God has given me peace that you are in Heaven now. Yes, it's rather strange that your silly Daddy is writing to you. You probably think a lot of what we do on Earth is silly, up there in Heaven where you'll never feel pain or suffer or have heartache. I'll never have to worry about you being bullied and what would happen if I couldn't stop it. I'll never have to worry about your relationships or have to console you as you cry on my shoulder because of some silly tiff you may have had with a friend. I'll never have to fret over the lack of spontaneity compared to when I was a child, or how I might be able to home school you but would I have the freedom here in the U.S. the way things are going? And, most importantly, would you trust Jesus Christ as your Saviour at an early age so you can have that great relationship with Jesus I do?
No, I'll never have those worries; as David said of his deceased son, you won't come to me but I will go to you. But, I'll never have the joys, either, of seeing your many triumphs, sharing with you all the Lord has shown me. Rejoicing as you learn new things and see how amazing the world is, how fileld with color and tastes and textures - yes, I know those thigns are so much more vibrant in Heaven, but there is something special about learning, about finding out new things, about exploring, about just being with others and helping others and giving of yourself.
So, that's what this blog will be about. The rare times I write, when I feel like I need to, it'll be about that, and how awesome it would have been with you.
I know, you'll say, "Silly Daddy, it's even better here!" I know. But, one of those heartaches you'll never have to know is being away from a loved one like I am you (and others of course, but I long to see you more than anyone except for my Saviour Jesus Christ.) Yet I am like a soldier in World War Two, though here my mission is sharing Christ's love and bringing people to the Lord. And, like WW2 soldiers, I'm here for the duration, till the Lord calls me home. Only then, when He says, will I be able to hear your voice, meet you for the first time, cuddle you and celebrate with you. Only then will I hear "Daddy's home" from you, as I am caught up in the sky with all the others as 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 and the end of 1 Corinthians describe. Either with the deceased saints who are dead in Christ and rise first or with we who remain and are caught up together in the clouds to meet Him in the air.
Till then? I'm so glad you have the best sitter you could have, in Jesus Christ. And, I will keep going here so God can get all the glory. And if I don't write in this for a while, it's not that I don't think of you. It's just that the Lord has me so busy with other things or I don't have any time. But, I love you and will always love you with all my heart. And, maybe this will help someone else who is struggling, I don't know. All I know is the Lord knew what was best. Maybe I'll adopt someday after all, but till I would multiply my love to take in a living child, please know that I love you and we'd have had great times here despite the troubles. And someday, we will have great fun in Heaven celebrating together forever, because the shed blood of Jesus Christ has washed our sins away. You because you died way before the age of accountability, me because I trusted Jesus Christ by faith to forgive me of my sins, and I call on Him to forgive me and save me.
So, till we meet, have a great time up there. I love you.(Blows kiss, imagines one blown back to him.)
Love, Daddy
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