Missing only for a time

Sweetheart, 

Yes, I'm writing again a little sooner than last time. I was taking a number of more wintery items upstairs and thinking about the smaller amount of space in this house.

Oh, its not that bad, you would have had a wonderful attic bedroom in a bungelow (how do you spell that?) since I have an office in the 2nd bedroom downstairs, and you'd have plenty of room for a bed(there anyway), a couch/chairs, and room for toys and such. It might have been a little cramped when it comes to clothing, but you'd have had enough space for a small dresser and things like that, and as you grew and put things in the closet where kids' books and those stuffed animals I mentioned are now I'd have some of my clothes in there still, and we'd have had lots of fun laughing about how you were going to trick me into taking some of your clothes downstairs for myself whenever I went to exchange winter and summer stuff. We'd have had so much fun laughing together and enjoying life, that the difficult times wouldn't have been so bad because we'd have been family. And indeed, I feel like that now, even separated by a dimension - me being in the physical and you in the spiritual realm.

I couldn't give you a mommy either. In some ways maybe that is one thing which held me back, kept me from stepping out in faith to look into adopting earlier. But, I know my mom would have been there for you, and you'd have found wonderful friends whose mothers could be your surrogate mother (I know a few who consider their friends' moms as second mothers even if they have good moms, they call them doptive mothers because they adopted the mother :-)). Plus, of course, I have the love and compassion and sweetness where I go overboard with it in fact. You'd have had wonderful people at church to help also. I know we could have made it work. 

I'm sure, at times, we'd talk about how you wish you could have a mommy; who knows, maybe you would have tried to set me up with people and one might have worked out. Just like if things had gone differently one of those I liked at church might have worked out, but each of them was too busy with studies and work at that point when i was looking 15-20 years ago.

God had other plans though, and we'd have talked about how things are very special anyway. Just like you might have thought about how it would be great if we had a much bigger house, but we talked about how it was special anyway, with the lumpy backyard and funny things like that. And, how we'd have Heavenly mansions to look forward to once you trusted Christ as your Savior just as I had trusted Him as mine. Indeed, in a way, this is sort of sharing those discussions just as I posted earlier about what it might have been like in other ways, who you would most be like, etc..

Of course, now you are celebrating in yours ahead of time. I think of asking what it's like and how that actually works for those who weren't born, and I get that cute image of you saying "It's a surprise, Daddy." And, I'm excited and anxiously awaiting the big surprise.

Because, I know Jesus Christ died for my sins and rose from the dead, & I have called on Him and put my trust in Him to save me and get me to Heaven by simple faith, and not because of anything I have done. And, that is just the way you are there too. It's all because of Jesus for those who die before the age of accountability..

So, I know while things didn't work out here, we will have forever together someday. That is the important part. It is what I'd have emphasized down here when we talked about you not having the mommy you might have wanted or a bigger house. And, yeah that's what I focus on now, knowing that this momentary absence will be nothing compared to the glory of seeing our Lord Jesus Christ and celebrating forever in Heaven.

Until that time, I know you are in the best hands possible, those of our Lord.

So, till we meet, those things I lack are just reminders that someday, because of Jesus, everything will be made right for those who trust Him, as his Word says we shall rule and reign with him.

Till we meet,

Love,
Daddy.

Ice Cream - in This Weather? (Ramblings from Febrary to now)

Hi, Sweetheart,

Sweetheart,

I had this as a draft but didn't post it, it was just one or two little comments but I decided to add it as well as my other post. It's from February, when the weather was a lot worse here. But, I just discovered it again.

So, I'm adding it to what I had written about a vacation, because it made sense to just combine the two. And, it shows how great it is I don't need to be adding to this blog all the time, or even much at all.

One of those silly things we adults do, my mom felt like getting some ice ream at the store the other day to have with a pie she was making, so I got a few scoops from my parents along with a piece of pie for dessert.

Ice cream when the high barely got above zero seems quite silly, but it made me smile with joy as I imagined doing that with you; after all, kids aren't so set in their ways that they realize how silly it is to have ice cream in zero degree weather.

Or, maybe it isn't. Maybe it's just odd to me.

Either way, kids bring such joy to life, and the great thing is the Lord has given me so many little joy, some of which came to my mind as I went on vacation recently. It's so fun to joke about those things for my Heavenly mansion. I continue to just imagine you saying with anticipation, "It's a surprise, Daddy" to the point I don't ponder whether I'll have a swimming pool or whethere there will be beaches (though I'd think givent he many different nations and peoples a variety of mansion types will be there). I just know Jesus has something wonderful.  Just like when I went forward to step out of the boat and trust that Lord to help me adopt you. And, though it turned out, from the way God has directed my prayers, you didn't end up being born,  I know you are one of those great surprises Jesus has for me.

In the meantime, so many fun things come. My family, like me, loves to see joy in all those little things. Just like I know you would. There are many times I somehow know He's showing me that same type of joy can still occur. For instance, the excitement that my mom gets showing me things on her cellphone, or pictures she's taken. I just know you would be the same way, so thrilled to show me the picture of a bird - though maybe not with fish in its claws, but who knows - or of something else you may have done. Whether in dance or baseball or some other sports, it wouldn't matter if you weren't the best, as long as you had fun. Facebook provides me with joys like seeing friends whose kids do things like coloring eggs for Easter and things like that, and just the joy of seeing others enjoy themselves is enough.

And of course the knowledge that Jesus Christ died for your sins and rose from the dead and thinking of the thrill when you would have invited Jesus into your life and heart as your personal Savior. Now, I don't need to worry about when that would happen because I know you are there, in Heaven, because Jesus Christ died for you before you could understand that need each of us has to receive Him by simple faith, calling on him to forgive you and save you from the penalty for your sins, a penalty He took upon Himself when He died and then rose again the third day..

I have that huge stuffed animal collection as well, and while I don't get to see you amazed at it I have seen cousins and nieces and nephews be so amazed at seeing it for the first time. And I know you're up there amazed seeing it from there too, and I won't ask anything else in that area because I know your answer: "I can't tell you; it's a surprise Daddy."

I can't wait for that great big surprise. I know it's Jesus preparing my Heavenly mansion, but in a small way it's sort of fun to imagine you have any tiny part, just like when a parent will help that child get a Mother's or Father's Day gift for their spouse. A 3 year old, for instance, can't do much more than point to a color they might like, but its still fun and special. It's  the thought that counts, and I believe that you think of me in some small way even as you spend most of your time playing up there, and finding even more things to be amazed by than i could ever imagine here on earth, I'm sure.

I haven't needed to write a lot - and didn't even at first, though it helped. But, it's still nice to note times like this and look forward while also being thankful for what the Lord has done. I don't know what all you follow down here, but I know you understand I can't wait to get there and give you a great big hug. because Jesus is the reason I will be there, the reason any of us have life, but that special treasure I prayed for I know is up in Heaven waiting for me. I just thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for giving you to me. And I am grateful to Him for forgiving me so you and I can enjoy is perfect Heaven together someday.

Till we meet.

Love, Daddy.