Camp, little blessings, etc.

Dear Sweetheart,

We, my parents and I, dropped one of the kids from my inner city ministry, where I'm assistant director, off at camp - her family couldn't - early last month. I'm asking those to read to pray for her and some other girls whom she sees like family as they go to a differfent church, that they be welcomed with open arms and really get into growing in the Lord and in all their activities, especially since it's a richer neighborhood by far than theirs. But, God wants to keep growing this church and push it and them to the next level.

For now, some thoughts I'd written, then put off for various reasons and not finished.

This is partly one of those posts where I share how the Lord has given me little glimpses of life as a dad. This certainly was that - the joy of seeing this girl go at the last minute (we're talking the afternoon of our camp's 50th anniversary celebration, the day before we'd drop her off Sunday evening - 3 days' notice like we had last year was too much this time :-)), the prayers I've prayed for her and others paying off (including that she wouldn't be homesick last year) and so on. And, especially the prayers that she really grow spiritually and make a break from some negative influences and not let them lead her astray.

It's a bit of a post about my friend Rick, whom you met 2.5 years ago or seconds ago or however the time works in Heaven, who was always volunteering to drive people places, and how grateful I am to have parents who will do this since I can't see well enough to drive.

It's even partly to consider how I have been a part of so many lives, how it is hard to consistently pray when I am not consistently with those kids like I would have prayed for you. But how God brings certain situations to mind at just the right time.

Most of all, it shares how God puts little blessings in my life when I don't deserve it, just like he does for everyone who trusts him to do so.

I don't really say it could have been you that I was taking the camp. I certainly don't say it should have been - God has the perfect plan.

Yet, I understand why some would say "should" because they are closer to that situation, perhaps less time has elapsed or the grieving process is just so different when they actually knew that child. I know another of your friends, Blake, was stillborn and that mother thinks of him everyday.

It's funny, though. As I wait for God's perfect timing to just hear about her situation and keep praying that God will pour out blessings of Love on to them, I sense that God had me praying for them more because he knew we would have less time. And, we had to take advantage of all the time we had.

That is something we all must do. And, something we will not have to worry about in heaven. Time shall be no more, it will be so different from this world where we are in that fourth dimension of time and we can find time slips away so quickly.

I am so glad we took her there. I've tried to take advantage of every opportunity because I sensed for years that the child God had for me may wind up in Heaven instead of with me on Earth. It is so sad that someone like me takes more advantage of these little opportunities to help than her family cares to do. But that is why there are Ministries like ours.

There is so much need. And, maybe that is one reason why you are where you are. It would have been so much fun to take you to camp and to see you grow in the Lord. But my place is here with others till that special day when we meet for the first time. Till that day when we won't have partings or any sorrow.

Some call it a happy place where we don't think about the stresses of life quite as much. It's like trying to create a bit of Heaven here on Earth. We can't do anything close to how wonderful it will be up there, I know.

I know, however, that till I get there, you are rooting me on. In some funny way, I can even imagine it is sort of like dropping you off at camp. You are with God's people someplace far better than even that though. And while I deal with everything here on Earth, you have such wonderful joy in Heaven.

I don't need to wonder if you are having a good time because I know it is wondrous there, so awesome words can't describe. And, sometimes that is the strength I need to keep going because I know but you will be so proud of me.

I'm sorry, maybe this one rambled a little bit more than normal. I guess that happens when you start it a month and a half earlier. I know however that you understand. You understand how important all those little blessings are. And I am especially thankful that Jesus has given me the ability to have these blessings.

Till we meet.

Love,
Daddy

Missing you and asking Jesus to give you a cookie

Sweetheart,

I hope you enjoyed the cookies. Yes, I was having one as a snack tonight and I asked Jesus to give you one.

I know, your silly daddy is just being himself huh? I'm sure Jesus gave you one and it was more awesome than anything one could have here on Earth. But, I was just thinking about you and the fact I'll be 50 soon. I told my best friend Sander who I was visiting on his 50th that I was still thinking about adoption but that you were in Heaven waiting for me and I was content and less God really opens a door soon.

So, I imagine you had the Lord just give you one and say it was from me. Jesus is such a faithful friend such times. He knows what we have need of before we need it, sometimes we just don't step out in faith like we should. I'm glad I stepped out and started looking into it and prayed hard about 5 to 7 years ago before I finally had my prayers answered in an unusual way. I would have enjoyed taking you on vacation with me.

I was thinking also about how God has given me little things that I don't always notice that's make me feel kind of like it would be you in a way. Like when we took our inner-city ministry kids to Dairy Queen and without being asked one girl open the door for my dad who has Parkinson's and helped him out of the car and with his Cane and then helped him to the door and took his hand and guided him when we had to drop him off at home before the kids we're dropped off at church because he was more tired. I was so proud of Adrianna for doing that, and I told her so. My mom did too. She has grown so much in the Lord that while she still struggles quite a bit you can see more and more of that spark of putting others first. It wasn't until tonight that I realized, you would be younger most likely by a few years but you would have had the advantage of being with a family vet would encourage you in the Lord since the time you were adopted. So, in a way, that was God showing me a glimpse of you.

Those glimpses come in other things I've mentioned also, both good and bad. I know you wouldn't have been perfect, but thankfully you are in heaven where you don't have to worry about all the temptations of this world or all the mean people.

You might well have tried to help some of them to be nice, and maybe you would have learned how. Maybe you'd have the desire to be a Christian counselor. Whatever you chose, you would  have faced disappointments when people didn't listen like a good friend from grade school and high school who really went bad after what I think for some very traumatic experiences in college. He became very rude and mean because I was standing up for others who did not like the vulgar attitude he was displaying. I tried to show him how to be kind and use better language but he wasn't willing to listen. I didn't even brag about how I was so nice, but he didn't like the sweet, gentle, compassionate attitude, probably because he was too busy fighting the demons inside him, whatever they were.

I still pray for him though. And, maybe others who read can also. I don't know if you pray up in heaven, I know Jesus always makes intercession for us. And, I know he knows the pain and heartache we feel down here on Earth. And one of the things that comforts me is that you don't need to face that.

Thankfully, I know Jesus as my savior, I have called on him to forgive me of my sins and trust that he is God in flesh and that he took the punishment for my sins when he died on the cross and rose from the dead. I have trusted him to save me and make me new inside. And, I pray that everyone who reads this will also.

I'll be with you someday.  In the meantime, in those times when I do miss you a little, I know Jesus knows how I feel and that he will comfort Me In help me with everything. So till that time, I can be glad did I have a little piece of you in the number of places. Yes, I'd be old enough to be a grandfather now so you'd be out of the house if I had had you early enough. That helps, too, at least with the fact that there are good reasons why you aren't here. But I don't have the memories I could if you had been born so I could have adopted you.

Thankfully, God always provides just what I need. Sometimes with others, sometimes that's still small voice this has me so delighted as I consider such silly little things is sharing a cookie with you as a bedtime snack, asking God to give you one up there, and wondering just what it's like. And hearing and imagining that sweet giggle with your comment, "it's a surprise Daddy."

Till I see you and have the big surprise.

Love,
Daddy