You can imagine a cardboard box is anything – a spaceship, a tent, a boat, imagination is so amazing. We lose that as adults. I wonder what it’s like in Heaven. Yeah, I know what you’d say – “Shhh, can’t tell you, it’s a surprise.”
But, maybe it’s a bit of my slight Dandy-Walker Syndrome, which caused my eye problems, maybe it’s my slight cerebral palsy, maybe even a bit of Asperger’s though that’s more likely just PDD-NOS is anything, but that ability to imagine never left me totally.
It’s served me well, with all my writing, fan fiction and otherwise. I don’t know if God gave you a creative mind like mine, but I know when we get to Heaven, we’ll have perfect bodies – what about our minds. Yeah, I know, I don’t mind waiting for the surprise, but it’s one of those things I wonder about. And, I thought it was good to continue my post from last night to make sure it was understood I always knew I was imagining with the “Full Hosue” stuff and all the other daydreaming. And, that’s really what led me to finally pray and say, “Lord, this imagining doesn’t work anymore, it doesn’t satisfy, I need You to bless me.”
It was then I prayed so earnestly for a child, and I dedicated you to Him, because H knew what would happen, and that you would simply be waiting for me in Heaven.
I haven’t given up the thought I could adopt someday, but frankly it looks like the Lord could return in the next few years if not sooner the way things are going. And, I don’t have the intense need in my heart I did when I was praying so hard, because the Lord has given me peace. It’s as if He wanted me to realize this blessing He had for me. Because I don’t feel the need to pretend like I did years ago. It’s still fun to write, but all the fan fiction and stuff just isn’t important to me anymore. I feel a sense of peace.
When children are little, one reason they imagine is just to play and have fun, but another reason is to establish how things work in their minds, it’s as if they know they need to practice because adults are so good at it. (Well, we’re not as perfect as children think – certainly not as perfect as I saw adults when I was little – but that’s neither here nor there.) One you get to be a certain age, that playing gets to be less and less. Sure, pro athletes play for a living. I longed to be able to play baseball in the majors when I was little – and who knows maybe I’ll play some baseball in Heaven. But, ordinarily, that fun of play and pretend dissipates and we have to find fun in other ways – and there is plenty of joy to be had in life when we look for it and keep a positive attitude. I try to do so all the time, in fact.
You missed out on that, but in a way, you’re lucky. You don’t have to worry about how we don’t really let kids be kids like when I was growing up. There’s too much more stress, too little innocence, anymore, though I would have done my best to make it as easy as possible. Indeed, the more I think, I would have home schooled you – our church has quite a few in a co-op who do things together and have neat field trips and stuff like that. You’d have gotten plenty of socialization that way. But, kids don’t even play out in their yards as much anymore. And, I’d have felt so sad that it wasn’t the wonderful life of the 1970s and ‘80s that this was finally the thing that the Lord used to help me see that it’s okay if you weren’t born so I never had the chance to adopt you. It’s not what I wanted, I’d have preferred to adopt you. I don’t know what you think.
Yeah, I know. “Silly Daddy, I’m in Heaven, what do you think?” It is much better there.
But, still, there’s things you didn’t get to experience that I’d have had fun going through with you. Some of that is that imagination and play and so on. But, what I’d want most is to see you happy. And, if that was the best way the Lord could make sure you would be happy and safe from any problems, then I accept it because I know Jesus knows what’s best.
Till that glorious everlasting Day in heaven, so long and thank for listening.
Love, Daddy.
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