Hi, Sweetheart.
This is the first County Fair since the Lord helped me understand that my desire to adopt had been answered, and I felt led to pray as Hannah did dedicating Samuel to you, and that I had a child in Heaven. It’s been months since I became certain of this, so it’s probably the last “milestone” as some might say, but it’s one of those things that really will help my prayer life.
See, thinking of you, as the Lord has helped me, has got me thinking about those friends I care about who don’t know Jesus as Saviour. There aren’t many, but a few I don’t know about, one in particular doesn’t and it’s so sad. He was such a nice guy in grade school and high school, and he changed in college for what I think is the results of being robbed – at least that’s what I blame to give me closure. I missed the signs, as I said I miss a lot of betweent he liens stuff with my developmental delay. A few other little things were his suddenly making these blanket statements that hurt when he wouldn’t do that before, but that, too, might have been from being robbed and his anger at those who did that. The problem is, it had to be something more than just going off to college because it didn’t happen right away. Although, there were little things I realized later might have been signs of his frustration with the nice, kind, consider nature of people he was around. I don’t know, maybe he saw some phoniness or maybe I’m just rambling.
Anyway, I prayed so hard for Bob, but lately it’s not as sharp. But, that feeling comes around when fun stuff like this does, that longing for him to be saved, not for my own benefit or even his but solely for the Lord to be glorified.
I’m so glad I don’t have to worry about you, wondering if you’d get saved, if you understood. I know I’ve talked about that stuff in other posts so won’t here.
But, there is the joy of seeing you enjoy all those animals, ride some of the rides, worry I’m going to pass out if I have to go on the Ferris Wheel with you (I hate heights unless I’m in an airplane).Even the sad or disappointing times there would have been – like if you’d eat too much cotton candy and throw up all over me. Yeah, that stuff happens, and especially with girls it seems sweets are so beloved that once or twice you’d probably eat too much. But, that’s okay, I would have loved seeing you grow and see you earn those great rewards in Heaven as you learn to help people and serve others like I do for the Lord.
I have given up this one video game online that I’d been playing, and I have you to thank as I just imagined you pulling the plug on it or doing other stuff to make it not work. I’m trying hard not to make you an imaginary friend like my stuffed aniamls and like Peanuts and other characters are at times, because you’re real, and I’ve always felt it’s not fair for real people to be imaginary friends, even ones who are in heaven at present. But, it was kind of fun, and I’m sure you were looking down and wondering what your silly daddy was doing.
Well, I guess at times I just don’t know what to write in the various stories and alternate history stuff I’ve done. I have my fics at lulu.com of course, like “If Baseball Integrated Early and the others people can see by checking my profile. I’ve even had a few with kids in it – I can see you growing up to be as helpful as Grace in my “Discovering Grace,” though with a much more functional home since she and her brother are the only Christians in the home. Or maybe you’d be more like Abby, having struggles sharing your faith and not sure how to ask for help at first. Either way, I know I’d love you no matter what. But, the important thing is I’ve had bits and pieces of you in many of my characters, in those writings, in “Never Let Me Go” at iunvierse.com, and even in my fan fiction. (All my books also available on Kindle, the Nook store, etc. – boy, it’s amazing what all there is with technology nowadays.)
So, ina way, while it’s been pretend as I talked about in my first post or two, I’ve shared time with you. Maybe not you specifically, but my imagination does lead me to feel so much like I’m there – but as I said, I wanted more and so I prayed earnestly, and the Lord blessed me with a wonderful child who wasn’t born so I could adopt them, but who is celebrating so much right now that a fun thing like the county fair would be nothing compared to what joy you feel.
But, I find joy down here in everything, too, in my writing and in all the stuff I do otherwise, too. I don’t know what the Lrod’s got planned for me, or how I’m going to keep things up financially sometimes, but I know that I’ve got a special treasure waiting for me that can’t be taken away. And, I’m going to keep serving the Lord and telling others about Him – hard as it is at times with my disabilities – and helping others so Jesus can be glorified, so we can celebrate together all that I did here when I finally get to meet you.
Till that day comes, I will be forever,
Your loving Daddy
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