Sweetheart,
I hope you enjoyed the cookies. Yes, I was having one as a snack tonight and I asked Jesus to give you one.
I know, your silly daddy is just being himself huh? I'm sure Jesus gave you one and it was more awesome than anything one could have here on Earth. But, I was just thinking about you and the fact I'll be 50 soon. I told my best friend Sander who I was visiting on his 50th that I was still thinking about adoption but that you were in Heaven waiting for me and I was content and less God really opens a door soon.
So, I imagine you had the Lord just give you one and say it was from me. Jesus is such a faithful friend such times. He knows what we have need of before we need it, sometimes we just don't step out in faith like we should. I'm glad I stepped out and started looking into it and prayed hard about 5 to 7 years ago before I finally had my prayers answered in an unusual way. I would have enjoyed taking you on vacation with me.
I was thinking also about how God has given me little things that I don't always notice that's make me feel kind of like it would be you in a way. Like when we took our inner-city ministry kids to Dairy Queen and without being asked one girl open the door for my dad who has Parkinson's and helped him out of the car and with his Cane and then helped him to the door and took his hand and guided him when we had to drop him off at home before the kids we're dropped off at church because he was more tired. I was so proud of Adrianna for doing that, and I told her so. My mom did too. She has grown so much in the Lord that while she still struggles quite a bit you can see more and more of that spark of putting others first. It wasn't until tonight that I realized, you would be younger most likely by a few years but you would have had the advantage of being with a family vet would encourage you in the Lord since the time you were adopted. So, in a way, that was God showing me a glimpse of you.
Those glimpses come in other things I've mentioned also, both good and bad. I know you wouldn't have been perfect, but thankfully you are in heaven where you don't have to worry about all the temptations of this world or all the mean people.
You might well have tried to help some of them to be nice, and maybe you would have learned how. Maybe you'd have the desire to be a Christian counselor. Whatever you chose, you would have faced disappointments when people didn't listen like a good friend from grade school and high school who really went bad after what I think for some very traumatic experiences in college. He became very rude and mean because I was standing up for others who did not like the vulgar attitude he was displaying. I tried to show him how to be kind and use better language but he wasn't willing to listen. I didn't even brag about how I was so nice, but he didn't like the sweet, gentle, compassionate attitude, probably because he was too busy fighting the demons inside him, whatever they were.
I still pray for him though. And, maybe others who read can also. I don't know if you pray up in heaven, I know Jesus always makes intercession for us. And, I know he knows the pain and heartache we feel down here on Earth. And one of the things that comforts me is that you don't need to face that.
Thankfully, I know Jesus as my savior, I have called on him to forgive me of my sins and trust that he is God in flesh and that he took the punishment for my sins when he died on the cross and rose from the dead. I have trusted him to save me and make me new inside. And, I pray that everyone who reads this will also.
I'll be with you someday. In the meantime, in those times when I do miss you a little, I know Jesus knows how I feel and that he will comfort Me In help me with everything. So till that time, I can be glad did I have a little piece of you in the number of places. Yes, I'd be old enough to be a grandfather now so you'd be out of the house if I had had you early enough. That helps, too, at least with the fact that there are good reasons why you aren't here. But I don't have the memories I could if you had been born so I could have adopted you.
Thankfully, God always provides just what I need. Sometimes with others, sometimes that's still small voice this has me so delighted as I consider such silly little things is sharing a cookie with you as a bedtime snack, asking God to give you one up there, and wondering just what it's like. And hearing and imagining that sweet giggle with your comment, "it's a surprise Daddy."
Till I see you and have the big surprise.
Love,
Daddy
