random thoughts as I imagien how we'd interact - and how we will someday

I opened a razor that was maybe 10 years old today. Your silly Daddy could just imagine you asking all sorts of questions - why did I wait so long, etc..

My mom and ad retired within a couple years of each other soona fter, and so had bought a number of thigns for me to have in reserve - I already had an electric razor in reserve because I had forgotten one on vacation in 1991. The one from the late '80s went kaput - the engine finally wore out in it - and so theone from '91, which had been used sparingly since - is now the main one.

It would have helped a lot, as I may have said, to adopt while my parents were still healthy (Mom still is, Dad's okay but has Parkinson's) and able to get around a lot better, due to my handicaps. I coudl still adopt now, of course, but I guess part of why I was so anxious and begged the Lord for a little one finally is because I knew it wouldn't be quite as easy, at least not to have a newborn.

So, the Lord urged me to go forward and believe in faith He could give me a child and the money to adopt that child, and then just when thigns seemed ready suddenly the money wasn't there coming in like I expected, and while He blessed me with you, He also showed me how I needed to trust Him with you. And so, your daddy's here on earth anxiously awaiting that time we can meet face to face.

It would have been so much fun to tell you how excited I was so often about having you, and how much I love you, and sharing your story with you so you would know how much i cared. I guess in a way I still can. I mean, I'm doing this, I imagine little bits and pieces of of things like you peppering me with questions for many minutes. It's not the same as raising you here on Earth, but I do feel, in some smallway, that I do know you.

And I promise I'm not going to say "I hope you don't mind not knowing me yet" becasue I know you're going to say, "Silly dady, I in Heaven!Remember?" And, I laugh at that giggle you probably have at my silliness, and it makes me feel good, becasue I know that you are well cared for, that you're enjoying it so much up there, where nobody has seen or heard or even imagined the wonders that await us.

Meanwile, I'm down here, but not down. Because I trusted the Lord Jesus Christ, God in flesh, to take the punishment for my sins. I believed by faith that what He did on the cross - when He died and rose fromt he dead - took all the punishment for my sins, and I called on Him by faith to save me from my sins. I know I'm going to Heaven now, only because of what Jesus did, I know I can't make it on my own merit.

But you, you have that chance to get there becasue jesus saves to the uttermost, and you died before you could understand that need to be saved, even before you were born. And so, I know we shall meet, and you can tell me about all the joyful thigns you've seen and experienced when I get up there.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to adopt on this earth; I'm in my mid-40s and money just never worked out yet. But, I know no matter what, I have a little one who makes me smile just in my imagining, and is a very special person to me. I may not be able to physically tell you that, but I'm sure you know. And, that's what important.

Love,
Daddy

Thanks to Jesus' love, your silly Daddy is writing to you

Hi, Sweetheart,
I know what you'd probably say if we could talk. "Silly Daddy, why are you writing this?"

You know the story. I'm a man with multiple handicaps but a love for children. Money was always an obstacle to adoption but I always wanted to. And, after I begged the Lord in prayer, feeling I missed you so much, He said, "Okay," and I went forward and claimed His promise. I began to look into it, how to do it...

Things seemed to be progressing, but then suddenly the Lord showed me in prayer I should simply dedicate you as Hannah dedicated Samuel. That Jesus would take care of you. And that you were going to be born, but something happened. Perhaps you were aborted - that's the most likely thing.

If so, you should know I forgive your birth mother the same as I'd have forgiven you no matter what you did. Even crashing the car into the kitchen like that "Full House" episode I used as an illustration to explain the Gospel a few times.

So, God has given me peace that you are in Heaven now. Yes, it's rather strange that your silly Daddy is writing to you. You probably think a lot of what we do on Earth is silly, up there in Heaven where you'll never feel pain or suffer or have heartache. I'll never have to worry about you being bullied and what would happen if I couldn't stop it. I'll never have to worry about your relationships or have to console you as you cry on my shoulder because of some silly tiff you may have had with a friend. I'll never have to fret over the lack of spontaneity compared to when I was a child, or how I might be able to home school you but would I have the freedom here in the U.S. the way things are going? And, most importantly, would you trust Jesus Christ as your Saviour at an early age so you can have that great relationship with Jesus I do?

No, I'll never have those worries; as David said of his deceased son, you won't come to me but I will go to you. But, I'll never have the joys, either, of seeing your many triumphs, sharing with you all the Lord has shown me. Rejoicing as you learn new things and see how amazing the world is, how fileld with color and tastes and textures - yes, I know those thigns are so much more vibrant in Heaven, but there is something special about learning, about finding out new things, about exploring, about just being with others and helping others and giving of yourself.

So, that's what this blog will be about. The rare times I write, when I feel like I need to, it'll be about that, and how awesome it would have been with you.

I know, you'll say, "Silly Daddy, it's even better here!" I know. But, one of those heartaches you'll never have to know is being away from a loved one like I am you (and others of course, but I long to see you more than anyone except for my Saviour Jesus Christ.) Yet I am like a soldier in World War Two, though here my mission is sharing Christ's love and bringing people to the Lord. And, like WW2 soldiers, I'm here for the duration, till the Lord calls me home. Only then, when He says, will I be able to hear your voice, meet you for the first time, cuddle you and celebrate with you. Only then will I hear "Daddy's home" from you, as I am caught up in the sky with all the others as 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 and the end of 1 Corinthians describe. Either with the deceased saints who are dead in Christ and rise first or with we who remain and are caught up together in the clouds to meet Him in the air.

Till then? I'm so glad you have the best sitter you could have, in Jesus Christ. And, I will keep going here so God can get all the glory. And if I don't write in this for a while, it's not that I don't think of you. It's just that the Lord has me so busy with other things or I don't have any time. But, I love you and will always love you with all my heart. And, maybe this will help someone else who is struggling, I don't know. All I know is the Lord knew what was best. Maybe I'll adopt someday after all, but till I would multiply my love to take in a living child, please know that I love you and we'd have had great times here despite the troubles. And someday, we will have great fun in Heaven celebrating together forever, because the shed blood of Jesus Christ has washed our sins away. You because you died way before the age of accountability, me because I trusted Jesus Christ by faith to forgive me of my sins, and I call on Him to forgive me and save me.

So, till we meet, have a great time up there. I love you.(Blows kiss, imagines one blown back to him.)

Love, Daddy